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4 Awesome Parenting Lessons from Where the Wild Things Are

Just about everyone has read the, Where the Wild Things Are Book. You likely remember the boy in the book, Max, wreaking havoc and driving his mother to the breaking point (been there, done that).   Well, guest iSpecialist Dr. Anthony Rao says there are 4 awesome parenting lessons we can learn from Where the Wild Things Are (these are for girls too!). In fact, even though we never see the mom in this story, Dr. Rao says she does those four things in “just the right way.”

Although the mother never appears in this story, she is the crucial element because she sends Max on his voyage. Max’s mother does several important things in just the right way.

  1. She does not yell at him or shame him. Losing it emotionally is the wrong message to a young boy who is already overwhelmed by impulses he hasn’t learned to control and emotions that he doesn’t know how to describe. Yelling at him, holding him, and lecturing him are all additional sources of stimulation that will make him more frustrated and confused.
  2. She sends him to his room. In the story, the room is not crowded with games and toys and distractions. It is a quiet place where he can be alone with all his rage and energy. Here he can imagine all sorts of frightening things: that he is alone in a wild world, that his parents are gone or dead. A child becomes so mad at Mom and Dad that he imagines a world without them, and then experiences that world, then wants back in, having to accept his parents’ rules before he leaves the room. When he smells the food and realizes that he wants to be with his family, he’s ready to rejoin them.
  3. She doesn’t go check on him.This is a favorite technique of parents who are afraid of using discipline. They send the boy to his room, and then knock on the door after a few minutes to say, “Are you okay, honey?” If you want to be sure there are no hard feelings, you are trying to control the emotional endgame of the conflict. You can’t control this. He controls it. He must come back to you when he’s finished being mad at your rules and ready to behave differently. He needs to struggle with the question of whether he can let go of his anger. He will not grow or learn to control his anger if he doesn’t struggle with it alone.
  4. She doesn’t take it personally.When Max comes back to his room, his dinner is waiting on him. The family is ready to welcome him back from the land of the Wild Things. They start fresh.

As a parent, you have to earn your power. When you get overwhelmed, it’s easy to feel sorry for yourself. You begin to tell yourself, “He’s doing this to me on purpose. He’s trying to make me angry.” Yes, your son is trying to make you angry. He wants to see what happens next. You can take the upper hand here by refusing to take his tantrums, his bad behavior, personally. Instead, treat his behavior like the experiment it is. He steps over the line, and you give him a result, whatever it’s going to be, a Time-Away or taking toys away. Do it without yelling. And resist the urge to check on him or make it all better.

Taken with permission from The Way of Boys by Dr. Anthony Rao.

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