I remember sitting in the armchair in my family room, heavy-eyed. As I nursed my son in the middle of the night, I had the TV on, and a commercial for the Army played. I looked down at my tiny newborn and felt panic come over me. I selfishly prayed, “Lord, I don’t think I’ll be able to handle it if he ever wants to join the military.” And that was the beginning of the mom anxiety I’d feel for the next… well, forever.
All moms experience stress and worry for our kids. But persistent worry and fear can wear down our mental and physical reserves and cause true anxiety. We have to learn how to overcome anxiety whenever it appears, and that starts with noticing where anxiety may be creeping in and stealing your joy. If you experience one or all of these 5 sources of mom anxiety, you’re not alone. The good news is, for each source of anxiety, there’s a truth that can help bring you peace.
1. Anxiety About Your Child’s Performance
Some moms are panic-stricken at the thought of their child not being the best or the brightest. It starts with who reads first in preschool. Later on, it’s about who makes the all-star team in baseball or wins the spelling bee. You’ve got to distance yourself from the notion that every single attempt at achievement made by your child has to result in an obvious success. Some successes are hidden or delayed. And sometimes failures are where the most important lessons are learned. Encourage your child to do his best, and then be happy with his best.
Remedy this anxiety by looking back on how much your child has grown and developed over the years. You’re doing a great job, and he’s turning out just fine!
Encourage your child to do his best, and then be happy with his best. Click To Tweet2. Anxiety About Your Child’s Health
I once made the mistake of searching Google for an answer to a question about the contents of my son’s diaper. I don’t remember what the problem actually was, but the possibilities included cancer and liver disease. I’m convinced you can search “paper cut” on WebMD and you’d eventually be told there’s a possibility of cancer.
If you find you’re constantly searching out illnesses, you’ve likely moved from informed concern to unnecessary anxiety. Yes, trust your intuition when your children are sick, but if you’re routinely worried about health issues and your physicians see no reason for concern, it’s time to step away from Google and believe your child is healthy and well and growing just as he should.
Remedy this anxiety by spending time outside with your child. Fresh air is good for everyone’s bodies and minds.
3. Anxiety About the Future
Oh, what we wouldn’t do for a crystal ball so we could know for sure what our kids’ futures hold. Will they marry the right people? Will they become a success in the fields they pursue? Will they make it out of high school and college with clean records? When you have mom anxiety, it’s easy to think of all the ways your kids could misstep. That’s why we parent one day at a time. Keep an eye on those big-picture, lifelong ideas you want your child to grab onto, and deal with challenges as they come.
Remedy this anxiety by making two lists—one of the things you can control and one of the things you can’t. For one or two of the things on the “can’t” list, think of an action you can take to positively impact that part of your child’s future. For example, “Will she marry the right person?” could connect to “Have frequent conversations about what makes a good marriage.”
4. Anxiety Over Your Child’s Physical Safety
We all know that there are real dangers in the world. But excessive focus on these things can push past productive thinking and become debilitating. No mom can completely insulate her child from all risks. The best wisdom for how to overcome anxiety in parenting is to take those reasonable steps to ensure your kids are safe and then trust God to provide protection in areas where we can’t.
Remedy this anxiety by looking around the room and naming five things that are blue, then green, then red, and so on. It will put your brain back into a mode where it’s functioning properly instead of spiraling into worry.Â
Anxiety like this is real for so many moms. We talked about it on the iMOM Podcast episode “The Sky Is Falling: How to Avoid Parenting Out of Fear.” Listen to hear how you can discern what’s reasonable fear and what’s useless worry. And subscribe to get new episodes every Monday.
5. Anxiety About Your Child’s Happiness
Some moms are preoccupied or even obsessed with their kids’ happiness. Yes, we want to see our children smile, but when we let this creep into an unhealthy place, our anxiety can cause us to do some unwise things. For one, we over spend on things and spoil our kids. Anxiety over their happiness can cause us to feel threatened by other kids’ achievements. And most important, fearing our kids’ will be unhappy, we try to do whatever we can to keep them from suffering. This leads to kids who aren’t adjusted to the real world and don’t know that discomfort and suffering can be fruitful experiences.
Remedy this anxiety by embracing joy over happiness. Joy is an inward state that’s not affected by what’s happening around you, and it’s contagious. In a quiet, uneventful moment, tell your child she brings you joy.
Finally, if your feelings of anxiety are seriously monopolizing your thoughts or causing physical symptoms, discuss it with your physician or a licensed counselor. There are treatments that can help to alleviate your symptoms and help you to cope more effectively.
If you’ve struggled in your own life, what would you tell someone who wants to know how to overcome anxiety?
