The saying goes that you can attract more flies with honey than with vinegar. The same holds true for getting our husbands to be better fathers. If you correct him at every turn, that’s the vinegar approach. If you praise him when he is doing a good job, that’s the honey approach. I know what you’re thinking: I’ve already got kids who need praise and encouragement. Do I have to treat my husband like a child, too? The answer is no. You don’t have to print lunchbox notes (although we do have those for husbands) or pat him on the head when he does something right, but there are subtle ways to encourage him that will reap big rewards in the way he parents the kids.
As parenting expert Dr. Meg Meeker says, you are your children’s connection to their father. The better you can make your husband look, and the stronger you can make the father and child bond, the better it is for your children. Dr. Meeker gives this advice to moms: “…in situations where a father is a good man clearly trying to do a good job, we help him do a better job when we choose to focus on his positive attributes rather than the negative ones.” You can make your husband a bigger and better part of his children’s lives by doing these 5 things.
1. Believe in him.
If your husband really feels like you believe that he’s trying to be a good dad, he’s more likely to live up to your expectations. On the other hand, if he thinks you have him pegged as a bad dad, he might feel defeated and unmotivated even to try. Overwhelm him with your belief in him by adoring him. That word might have made you cringe. Adore? But before you write it off, read these 7 ways to adore your husband.
2. Co-star with him.
When you’re both with the kids, let him be the star now and then. Instead of piping in with directions and ideas for him and the children, let him guide the moment. As you give your husband opportunities to prove himself, he’ll feel more confident as a man and as a father.
3. Praise him.
Talk him up in front of the kids, in front of the in-laws, in front of his friends. Again, if he knows you’re out there bragging on him, he won’t want to let you down. You can also praise him directly with these 10 compliments for your husband.
4. Protect him.
Don’t set your husband up for failure. Let’s say your son really wants Dad to throw the ball around on Saturday morning, but you know your husband is exhausted from a tough week at work. Keep him from looking like the bad guy by explaining to your son why Dad needs to sleep a bit longer before he heads outside. Remember, you and your husband are a team, and winning is contagious. When you help your husband win, you win too.
When you help your husband win, you win too. Click To Tweet5. Free him.
In other words, don’t guilt trip him. If you load up on “you should,” “why don’t you,” and “you never,” he might buck up and not make time for the kids just to spite you. Even if you notice he’s making a lot of mistakes, critical words aren’t going to help. Let him take care of the kids more on his own without micromanaging him. Here’s why you might want to give that a try soon!
How do you help your husband with being a better dad?
