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5 Must-Haves When Your Kid Rebels

“Those boys will be teenagers before you know it, and then hang on!” My friend gave the warning as she crossed her eyes and smiled crookedly. She has three grown children, including one she gently describes as “a rebellious child” when she talks about the trimester he got suspended three times.

When I asked her what she did to get through the rebellious phase (because he seems like a stand-up guy now), she said she invested in knee pads and prayed a lot. So try starting there if you’ve got a kid rebelling, and then make sure you’re armed with these 5 must-haves.

1. Acceptance of What You Can Control

In Boundaries With Kids, authors Cloud and Townsend say something profound about accepting what you have power over: “In trying to control the uncontrollable, one negates her ability to exercise the power she does have.”

You are powerless over anything outside of your own body. You can train, pray, teach, and model, but your child’s decisions are his own. When you release the need to control or undo rebellious behavior, you can focus on areas you can impact, like your relationship with your child.

2. A Grasp of the Reality Principle

As Cloud and Townsend put it, life works on reality consequences, not relational consequences. Relational consequences for a rebellious child include the parents’ anger and nagging, while reality consequences include loss of money, time, or things he enjoys. The reality principle posits that true change comes when your child’s behavior causes him to experience reality consequences.

This means you have to allow your child to reap what he sows. The second time my friend’s son got suspended, he got kicked off the football team. The third time caused him to miss out on homecoming. When your child rebels, don’t clean up his mess for him, or you might prolong the phase.

You have to allow your child to reap what he sows. Click To Tweet

3. A Relentless Curiosity

My mom and I used to watch Columbo together. This detective never gave in. He kept coming around in his trench coat with a cigar and notepad in hand. He asked questions and ensured the suspect knew nothing could shake him off the case.

When your child rebels, lean in. If she pushes you away, she’s asking you if she’s worth coming after. So get curious. Instead of preaching, ask questions. Your curiosity will show your rebellious child she matters to you.

4. A Reset Button

My friend caught her son sneaking out and sat him down for a long talk and a punishment, but the next morning, he awoke to pancakes and OJ. He said, “You’re not still mad?” She replied, “It’s a new day, and you need to eat.”

Embrace the chance for a fresh start when you have a rebellious child. We are all given grace more often than we deserve it. The consequence of his actions shouldn’t be your withholding of love and attention.

5. A Support System

This is a must-have because sometimes navigating a rebellious phase takes time. It’s not healthy to go it alone. I have a friend who I know I don’t need to impress. I can tell her when my kids misbehave and when they fall off the pedestals I’ve put them on. She’ll listen and give me a word of encouragement. Who is that for you?

Are you on the same page as your husband? Play to each other’s strengths and let him handle some conversations he’s better equipped for. Look to your Bible or a devo that reminds you of your purpose and identity.

What’s another must-have when you’re struggling with a rebellious child?

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