I can still picture Emmy’s green eyes shining up at me as I added the sparkly topcoat to her nails. She’d been looking forward to her first daddy-daughter dance since starting kindergarten months earlier. We’d picked out her ruby red dress and her clickety shoes and even ordered cotton candy-scented hairspray for the occasion.
To make this night perfect, I paid attention to the tiniest details. Or so I thought. I failed to notice the jealousy gathering steam in her 3-year-old sister. And while I walked Emmy downstairs for pictures, Ellery lingered behind and took a permanent marker to her sister’s American Girl Doll. Mom fail. I clearly missed all the clues of how left out she felt. But the story didn’t end in defeat, and your parenting mishaps don’t need to either. Here’s how to turn 3 common parenting fails into parenting wins.
But first, here’s a note about parenting fails.
Your child doesn’t need perfection from you (just like you don’t need an error-free child). Your child does need to learn from you how to fail and recover. Parenting fails happen to the best of us. Perfection is for myths and Instagram. For us moms out in the wild, can we agree to remember: Mommy is learning, too.
Parenting fails happen to the best of us. Perfection is for myths and Instagram. For us moms out in the wild, can we agree to remember: Mommy is learning, too. Click To TweetParenting Fail 1: Pushing Your Luck When Out With a Kid Around Nap Time or Meal Time
I didn’t plan on carrying a mostly naked, screaming 2-year-old football-style out of the store, yet there I was doing it anyway. It was nap time, but the day was going so well that I figured we could hit one more store. I even thought it was the perfect time to find a new bathing suit for my toddler—until she refused to take it off and windmilled her arms so rapidly at me, she could’ve powered the whole store.
You’ve probably experienced this parenting fail, too. After a full day of work and no other choice, you swing into the grocery store with kids in tow, trying to figure out what’s for dinner. Meanwhile, your kids add a meltdown to the menu. Or that time you finally made a cool mom friend at the park, so you give your child another 30 minutes to play. But instead of playing nicely with your new bestie’s child, your kid gives into being hangry and pushes the other kid down. Oof.
How to make it a parenting win: Take a deep breath, and remind yourself that toddler meltdowns are a normal part of the early years. Speak calmly and acknowledge your little one’s feelings: “I see that you’re frustrated.” Offer choices and de-escalate if possible. Oh, and let go of the thought that people are judging you. Chances are, you’re surrounded by empathic moms who’ve been there, too.
Parenting Fail 2: Getting Sucked into Your Kid’s Emotions and Escalating the Situation by Yelling Back
Raise your hand if you’ve ever yelled at your kid to stop yelling. Or better yet, stomp your feet if you’ve ever mimicked the stomps of your child down the hall to yell at her for yelling at you. Parenting would be so much easier if our kids’ emotional storms could be tracked in advance like the hurricanes they are. Then, we could batten down our response beforehand and safely ride out the storm. Unfortunately, they don’t, and sometimes, we find ourselves ill-prepared for the surge. And so we start yelling, and the storm damage widens, but Mom, that doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t repairable.
How to make it a parenting win: Modeling for your child how to own up to mistakes and apologize turns this parenting fail around. Your kid is learning when and how to set aside heightened emotions
and love the people in his life well. And that means saying “I’m sorry” when you hurt or disrespect someone. But, before making an apology, allow time for everyone’s emotions to settle. For younger children, apologizing in person works best. However, sometimes, for tweens or teens, try apologizing over text. This could lead to your child opening up about what he’s upset about.
Parenting Fail #3: Threatening Consequences You Don’t Mean
“If you choose to disobey me, then you won’t be going on your field trip,” I confidently proclaimed to my daughter. I knew she wouldn’t miss that end-of-the-year trip for anything. Well, except, she did choose to disobey me. And there I stood forced to follow through on a consequence I didn’t really mean.
How to make it a parenting win: Empty threats erode trust and can lead to power struggles and a child who questions your word and authority. Rather than throwing out consequences you don’t mean, offer choices with natural consequences: “Put your bike away in the garage before it rains or I will put it up for a week.” Focus on clear and consistent expectations. And, if you do let slip an empty threat, remember, “Mommy is learning, too.”
Can you share one of your memorable parenting fails and what you learned from it?
