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7 Ways to Teach Self-Control

My parents have a sick sense of humor. They love recounting how when we were little, my sister and I, along with our cousins, would have to wait to open presents on Christmas morning. We’d all go to church together. Then we’d parade back into my grandparents’ house, peel off our mittens, scarves, and coats, and wait. The kids would sit on folded legs around the tree, pointing at gifts and names on tags. My parents, aunts and uncles, and grandparents would gather in the tiny kitchen and eat breakfast. Slowly. None of us kids ever peeled back the gift wrap to peek, and it was torture to wait for what seemed like hours for the adults to gather around. Talk about self-control.

Most children, young children in particular, are impulsive. But a child armed with self-control and self-discipline has a tremendous advantage in school and in friendships, so it’s worth our time as parents to help them learn it. Here are 7 ways to teach self-control to your children.

1. Tell your kids to come when they are called.

When a parent calls a child, he shouldn’t yell, “What?” from across the house, parking lot, or playground. Instead, he should come to wherever the parent is. You’ll have to work on this over time, but it’s worth the effort because it helps the child learn that self-control sometimes means we must give up what we would like to be doing in order to do something else.

2. Teach children to respond positively to correction.

Most children don’t like to be corrected, so they respond negatively, either aggressively with anger or in passive ways, like with a bad attitude. One of the facts of life is that you’re going to have to follow directions you don’t agree with—while driving, in an office, even in the checkout line at the grocery store. For a child to respond with a good attitude as well as right behavior requires self-control and helps children learn to control their impulses.

3. Help them learn good social skills. social manners

Most well-mannered socializing involves self-control. Listening instead of looking at whatever is playing on TV, disagreeing respectfully, and knowing when and how to interrupt all require self-control. Heap on the praise when your child does one of these things without being told. Post our printable 10 Social Manners for Kids somewhere your kids can see it so they have a visual reminder.

4. Encourage children to take on activities that require self-discipline.

They may include sports, music lessons, a paper route, the responsibility of caring for a neighbor’s pet, memorization of scripture, a clean room, or a host of other activities. Self-discipline is closely tied in with self-control. Growing one will help the other become easier.

5. Use bedtimes to teach self-discipline.

Some children have a hard time going to bed without creating a battle and this becomes a great opportunity to teach self-discipline. After all, it requires a lot of self-control for a child to stay quietly in bed while her parents are still awake. Set a bedtime, develop a routine that covers all the necessary bedtime tasks, and work at getting your child to stay in bed without mom or dad falling asleep in the room. This requires work on the part of the parent but will pay tremendous dividends in the end.

6. Talk about self-control.

When a child receives a reward like payment for a job accomplished or a star on a chart, talk about self-control. “Wow. You went the whole week without getting in trouble. That took a lot of self-control.” Giving external rewards creates a great opportunity to talk about internal rewards. The real benefit to a dog-walking job is not the money; it’s the building of character, so praise your child for what you see growing within her. Our Good Character Traits for Kids Calendar has an entire month dedicated to self-control and one on self-discipline. The calendar includes a QR code that links you to more printable resources to talk about these traits with your kids.

7. Don’t forget about morning routines, chores, and schedules.

A wise parent will use childhood to prepare a child for success as an adult. Chores and household routines are built-in opportunities to teach self-control. The child who gets out of bed and dressed on time gets the privilege of picking out what’s for breakfast. A kiddo who waits to watch TV until his homework is done gets to stay up an extra 15 minutes to see the end of the show he loves.

teaching self controlThe topic of self-control is a biggie, so we took it to the iMOM Podcast in the episode, Teaching Self Control at Any Age. Subscribe to the podcast and get new episodes every Monday.

What’s the best way you’ve come up with to teach your children self-control?

ASK YOUR CHILD...

In what area do you have the toughest time with self-control? Junk food, games, texting?

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