Marriage & Love
6 Ways to Fall Out of Love with Your Husband

Every marriage goes through seasons: the starry-eyed courtship and newlywed years; the tough grind of the children and careers years; and the strange silence of the empty nest. In each of these phases of life, your love affair with your husband may look and feel a bit different. Some women will go so far as to say they've fallen out of love, and consider ending the relationship.

But what if the missing chemistry with our husbands is due to one of the thought patterns below:

1. Comparison Shopping

In the grocery aisle, it's a great idea. In the husband department, it's a terrible idea. Constant comparisons of your spouse to other husbands is a dangerous and imprecise game. It's dangerous because it feeds feelings of discontent with what you have, and misleading because you're comparing someone you truly know—warts and all—to someone you know only on the surface. Not sure how to change your thinking?

Check out Dr. Gary Smalley's Greatest Marriage Advice No One Wants to Hear.

2. Buying the Marriage Myth

Marriages in the movies are constant desire and ultimate satisfaction—because they're over in two hours. A real marriage is a partnership for experiencing both the joys and struggles of life. Some days are great, but some days are just downright hard. The world is imperfect, therefore you're spouse and—gasp—you are, too. Don't believe the lie that something is fundamentally wrong because everyday isn't hearts and rainbows.

Read Dr. Gary Oliver's Six Myths About Men to see if you're subjecting your spouse to a standard that's more fantasy than reality.

3. The Soul Mate Standard

In our culture, the idea of a "soul mate" is a popular concept. Soul mate syndrome suggests that there is one, perfect mate out there for each of us, and that if our relationship takes work it must be because we're not with our soul mate.  While there are key areas of compatibility that make marriage easier and should be considered before walking down the aisle, there is much that can be done after the "I do's" to make your husband your soul mate.

4. Making it All about You

Nothing kills feelings of romance in a relationship faster than constantly evaluating how you feel, what you want, and whether the current situation is fulfilling to you. In fact excessive focus on your own needs and desires will almost guarantee that they'll never be fully met.

 Try these 10 tips for turning some of your "me" thinking into "we" thinking.

5. Dwelling on the Negative

If you spend lots of time recounting the ways in which your husband falls short, that's all you see when he walks in the door. Take some time when you're not feeling the love to list—yes, really write them down—the things he gets right. Reflect on what it was about him that first lit the fire for you. Odds are those traits are still there. If they're buried under a mountain of real-life conflict, bills and kids, determine to dig them out and enjoy them again.

6. Rebuffing His Attempts at Romance

When your husband wants to rekindle the fires of romance and connect with you, don't be so quick to shut him down. He may not get it just right, but you'll both be better off if you acknowledge that he's trying and build on it. Who knows? So ask yourself: am I stoking the fire or dousing it? Check out Dr. Gary Oliver's guide to fostering intimacy in marriage for some pointers.

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