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Two Secrets to Finding Peace

I was shocked the day my friend Ashley told me she’d been married before. She and her husband are made for each other. I couldn’t imagine her having been married to another man. When she told me her ex had been unfaithful, I asked if it’s been hard to let go of that hurt. She admitted it’s been a long journey to emotional health, and there have been moments when the baggage she brought into this marriage has made trust, forgiveness, and vulnerability difficult.

I give Ashley credit. She worked hard to release that baggage through therapy, prayer, and taking care of her physical health so she could be the best mom for her kids and a good wife to her (new) husband. What baggage are you carrying today? Is it something from an old relationship, your childhood, or a negative self-image? You can cut it off, be free of it, and have peace starting with two important steps. What are you waiting for?

1. Forgiveness

Dr. Fred Luskin, a professor at Stanford University, has done extensive studies on forgiveness from a psychological and physiological perspective. His studies confirm that forgiveness reduces anger, hurt, depression, and stress, leading to greater feelings of hope, peace, compassion, and self-confidence. It seems that forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one being forgiven!

Learn to give people the benefit of the doubt and remember times you’ve blown it and needed to be forgiven. Or take the giant step to forgive. It could be the antidote to the negative feelings that impede your journey to emotional health.

Forgiveness Training Tips: Figure out who you need to forgive. The answer might not be obvious, so you might need to talk to a therapist. When you’re ready, reach out to that person to talk. If you can’t do that, write a note. You don’t have to actually give it to him if you don’t want to. Do a “true forgiveness” self-check to ensure you no longer have bitterness or resentment. If you’re still keeping a record of wrongs, you’ve probably got more work to do. That’s OK. For many, forgiveness is something we have to choose daily.

Forgiveness benefits the forgiver more than the one being forgiven. Click To Tweet

2. Positive Thinking

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “You become what you think about all day long.” It’s true. Your thoughts can energize you, build your confidence, and keep you focused on growing and achieving your goals. But your thoughts also have the power to drain you, tear down your confidence, and throw you off track. The negative mind chatter that says that “there is no way you can do it,” “you’ve tried before and failed,” or “you’ll never change” can take its toll. But when you train your mind to see the positive in a situation, your emotional health will grow stronger. This doesn’t mean you ignore negative feelings. You just don’t dwell on them.

Positive Thinking Training Tips: If you find yourself losing your peace or focusing on your baggage, try bringing your mind back to the present and looking around for what is good. Create a positive personal motto you can repeat whenever the negative tapes start playing in your mind, like “My past doesn’t define me because today is a new day,” or “I am enough.” One more positive thinking tip is to embrace challenges. They’re always going to come; that’s life! So tell yourself discomfort is OK—good even. It often leads to growth.

Where do you need peace?

Used with permission from Tonja Ward

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