A couple of friends were telling me a story about how impressed they were with a particular teenager while serving at an event. He was hard-working and respectful. When he finished his job, he looked for opportunities to help others. They also noticed how encouraging he was to others. They were so impressed they thought they should tell the boy’s parents. When they did, the parents were shocked and even laughed a bit. When my friends asked why they were laughing, the parents shared that they hadn’t seen that side of their son. When they asked him to help out at home he would be annoyed, push back, and be disrespectful.
As we work to raise children with character, we may never feel like we are seeing progress. Many parents end up asking, “Am I getting anywhere?” Before you get discouraged, consider these 3 things.
1. Keep in mind that you’re building a tape in your child’s head.
To understand the idea of building a tape, think about some things your parents taught you: “Turn off the lights before you leave the room”; “Eat your vegetables”; “Be nice to your sister”; “Say excuse me.” Did you heed their instructions? Maybe not as much as your parents would have liked, yet their words still playback in your head. Parents don’t always see the impact of their words. But your kids are listening, and you’re building a tape in their heads as you lovingly and consistently prod them to action.
2. Pray for your children often.
Pray that God will use your words and actions to make lasting, positive changes in your child’s life. God is at work for the long term. He is in the process of changing people and molding hearts that follow after him.
3. If you find that you’re encountering a lot of resistance from your child, consider his or her relationships and activities.
Sometimes a child’s environment works against the very character you’re trying to develop. Bad influences can be a challenging enemy. Bad influences in your child’s life, such as negative friendships, are at the top of the list. Limit them (or eliminate them altogether if possible), but don’t just target people as the only bad influences in your child’s life. Reading material and entertainment choices also affect children and youth.
One mom said, “I realized that my daughter was getting her ideas for books to read from a popular teen magazine. I helped her see that there were other books that had better values, and I showed her how to locate them. I helped her find more appropriate reading material that fit better for developing her character.”
It’s Worth It! In the end, a character-development approach to child raising pays huge dividends. Children may forget the individual issues, but they will remember the character qualities. You can successfully address deep-rooted problems in children’s lives over time through a character-based approach.
Tell us! What character trait on you working on with your child?
Dr. Scott Turansky is an author and speaker known for his heartfelt parenting approach. He offers moms practical, real-life advice for many of parenting’s greatest challenges and is the founder of the National Center for Biblical Parenting.
