The pandemic has been a great teacher. I, for one, have learned more than I ever cared to know about vaccines and the efficacy of hand sanitizer, but one subject I think we’ve all mastered is video conferencing. I mean, 90-year-old great grandmas are creating Zoom calls. It’s pretty incredible. We all know our best angles and how to get good lighting with just a dining room chandelier or a 40-watt bulb in a desk lamp. And thanks to the way speakers work, we finally learned how to take turns talking.
Yes, we all learned how to communicate better thanks to the fact that when you’re on a video call, if two people talk at the same time, you can’t hear either of them. Funny enough, that’s also true for in-person communication, but it’s just not as apparent. Let’s not let this new skill go to waste. It’s a key factor in drive-through communication, which can be a game changer in your conversations with your kids, husband or ex-husband, and coworkers. Here are the 3 basic steps you need to make drive-through communication work.
1. Get a “speaker item.”
This can be anything from a pencil to a TV remote. The person holding the item speaks. When he or she is finished, he or she gives the item to the other person. Only the person with the item is allowed to speak. It’s basically like using the conch shell from Lord of the Flies (minus the underlying tension between groupthink and individuality).
2. One person speaks at a time in a relatively short statement.
This is where the video call lesson comes in. It’s one person at a time! When you give your order in a drive-through, the person on the other end isn’t repeating it back while you talk, encouraging you to buy the large instead of the medium order of fries, or telling you the fish sandwich isn’t a good choice. Only when you’re done speaking, the cashier chimes in with a response. At home, this might sound like, “Josh, I don’t like the way you’ve been treating your brother while I’m at work.” While you wait to speak, try to listen to understand, not just to give yourself more ammunition. If one member of the discussion isn’t listening to understand, it will become apparent in this next step.
While you wait to speak, try to listen to understand, not just to give yourself more ammunition. Click To Tweet3. Then the other person repeats back what you’ve said.
Just like the employees on the other side of the speakers repeat back our orders to ensure they heard us correctly, the person you’re in conversation with (who’s holding the “speaker item” now) repeats back what he or she heard you say. So Josh would say, “OK, so you don’t like the way I’ve been treating Sam while you’re at work.” This might feel silly, but it ensures that communication is clear. You can go back and forth, moving from statement to request.
The beauty of this last step is that it clarifies your order. If you went through the drive-through and ordered a chicken sandwich thinking you’d get grilled chicken but the person repeats back “fried chicken sandwich,” you’d be grateful to know there was a misunderstanding. In our Mom and Josh example, Mom might say, “If I hear again that you’re hitting your brother, you’ll lose your Nintendo Switch.” To that, Josh might respond, “If I get caught hitting him, I get my Switch taken away.” Did you hear that? Nice try, Josh.
Other Keys to Drive-Through Communication Success
Don’t give your opinions or assume you know how the other person is feeling. Just give your side. You want to zero in on just one point at a time. That’s crucial. If you use this technique with your kids, it will help fine-tune their listening skills. And as we all know, that’s something a lot of adults need to work on, too. The next time you have a difficult conversation with your husband or ex-husband, give this technique a try.
What part of communication seems to trip you up most frequently?
