You’ve taught your kids not to talk to strangers, and you should feel good about that. But the world your child is navigating looks very different from the one where “don’t take candy from strangers” was enough. Today’s threats aren’t just the creepy guy in the parking lot. They can show up in a favorite game, a chat feature you didn’t know about on an app, or a message from someone pretending to be a kid just like them.
In the first half of 2025, the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children received more than 518,000 reports of someone attempting to contact a child online. It’s a lot to take in, but an informed kid is a protected kid. A few simple updates to the conversation you’re already having can make a big difference.
Here are 3 ways to freshen up your approach to stranger danger for kids.
1. Use your thumbs.
I taught my kids the “thumb test” around kindergarten. I told them that when they meet someone, they’ll often feel like that person should get a thumbs up, thumbs sideways, or thumbs down. It encouraged them to listen to their intuition.
The thumb test is also a good tool for helping your kids speak freely about people you know who give them a bad feeling. Sometimes kids don’t know how to tell you a relative or family friend makes them uncomfortable, and the thumb test keeps them from having to use words they might hesitate to use, like “bad” or “scary.”
2. Teach them about safe versus unsafe situations.
I was at the store with my sons, who were wearing their school uniforms. A man walked by and commented to them that his son had gone to their school several years ago. They didn’t even look up at him. I had to tell them to respond. Your kids should know that it’s OK to converse with a stranger if you’re standing right there.
But what about when you’re not? Help your kids understand that a safe adult will never approach a child alone to ask for help or personal information. That’s a job for other grown-ups, not kids. It’s also worth sitting down together and naming two to three trusted adults your kids can go to if they ever feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Knowing those names ahead of time means your kids won’t have to think in the moment. They’ll already know exactly who to find.
3. Talk about the online world.
Stranger danger for kids in the ’80s and ’90s could be boiled down to two things: white vans and candy. Of course, you should still tell your child not to get into a car with a stranger, but now lessons about unsafe people need to extend to the virtual world, and it starts earlier than most of us expect.
The most basic thing to make your child aware of is that just because someone says he is nine-years-old or that he’s a student at your child’s school doesn’t mean he really is. In their naivete, kids don’t realize predators will lie about their identity.
Make it simple and concrete for them. No stranger online should ever ask for their name, their school, their location, or photos. If anyone online makes them feel weird, confused, or like they need to keep a secret from you, that’s a thumbs-down moment, and they should come tell you right away. Think of it this way: If you wouldn’t let them wander around a crowded store alone and chat with anyone they met, the same rule applies to any game or app with a chat feature.
And more than anything, make sure your kids know this: Coming to you will never get them in trouble. Ever. That one promise might be the most important safety rule of all.
What lessons have you taught your kids about strangers?
