Dads are noticeably more hands-on than in generations past. They’re changing diapers, handling midnight feedings, and showing up in ways their own fathers often didn’t. But that doesn’t mean every dad (like every mom) instantly bonds with their little one. Studies show that about 1 in 5 parents don’t feel an immediate emotional connection with their newborn.
Every new relationship takes a little time to settle in, even when it’s with your own child. If you’ve noticed your husband struggling to connect, it’s hard to know whether to step in or just give him some room. To be fair, you’re probably still figuring out this whole parenthood thing yourself. Often, the most helpful thing you can do is give him a little encouragement and a few low-pressure ideas to just be with your baby. Here are 5 ideas that work for any dad struggling to bond with his baby.
1. Suggest he bring your baby into what he already loves.
What does your husband love to do? Go for a run? Push the baby along the route in a stroller. Watch the game? Let the baby “watch” with him. (It’s never too early to teach your baby the “right” team to cheer for!) Video gaming? He can narrate what’s happening while the baby hangs out nearby.
Connection doesn’t need to come from doing “baby things.” Sometimes it grows when he realizes that, hey, this little person gets to be part of my world, too.
2. Encourage him to wear the baby.
A baby carrier attaches him to the action. Literally. If you’ve got a dad struggling to bond with his baby, this is one of the easiest ways to help. He’s close enough to feel those tiny movements, hear your little one’s coos and gurgles, and get used to being together without overthinking it. Whether he’s walking through the grocery store, standing at church, or just moving around the house, that steady closeness goes a long way in building a relationship.
And as a bonus? You get a break from being the default parent for a little while.
3. Do whatever he wants to do.
Dads parent differently than moms, not “wrong,” just not necessarily the way we would. Those differences start emerging from the get-go. If your husband wants to walk to take his future Major Leaguer to see his favorite baseball team in action, say yes! If he’d rather rock the baby to sleep listening to his playlist instead of the one you carefully curated, rock on!
Dads can be pretty creative, so take a step back and let him come up with his own ideas for how to bond. Your husband is pretty smart. He married you after all.
4. Pay attention to the slow moments.
Some of the best bonding moments aren’t planned. They just happen when your day seems to slow down or pause on a scene in your daily life.
It might be a diaper change at 7 p.m., when it’s just the two of them and he leans in close while your little one locks eyes with him. Or it could be those times he ends up on the couch with the baby asleep on his chest while his favorite show drones on. Looking back, your husband might realize that the moments when he wasn’t trying to “do it right” were the ones where everything started to click into place.
5. Turn on music and let him sing.
Play his current favorite song and let him hold the baby and sing along. Your baby loves the sound of his voice. Research shows that singing with babies can reduce stress and promote bonding between parent and child.
It doesn’t have to be a lullaby or anything “baby-focused.” It can be whatever he already listens to or songs he loved as a kid. And years from now, those same songs will form the soundtrack to your baby’s childhood. Your little one will listen to them and instantly feel loved and connected to you both.
What other ways can moms help dads struggling to bond with a baby?
