As I settled into a desk in my son’s biology classroom during parents’ night, I spotted a list of TV shows on the whiteboard: Love Is Blind, Bridgerton, House of the Dragon, and a few more. Were my kids’ classmates watching them? It made me wonder, Did I shelter my teens too much? Was I behind the times? Having just finished watching one of these shows myself, I thought, Nah. My teens don’t need to watch these yet. At 14 and 16, I figured they could wait. If I could protect my teens’ eyes a little longer from sexually suggestive content or what some might call soft porn, I would.
We can’t control everything that pops up on our kids’ screens. But here are 5 things you CAN do to protect your teen from soft porn and help him or her make good choices about racy imagery.
1. First, educate yourself and your teen about soft porn.
In one stretch of highway in my city, there’s a huge billboard of a woman in a tiny, red bikini, relaxing in a hot tub. It’s an ad for a casino and it makes me cringe every time I pass it, knowing my teens can view her ten-foot cleavage looming above us. But it seems like this sort of thing is everywhere, from video games with voluptuous female warriors to online, print, and TV ads with scantily clad women selling perfume or handbags.
Soft porn, as described here, is “sexually suggestive content” in a milder form than what we’d consider actual pornography. There are no sex acts, but there is sensuality, and people who are naked or semi-naked in provocative poses. You or your teen might think it’s not a huge deal, but it’s still harmful. Soft porn is meant to arouse viewers. And teens are naturally curious about sex. If they think soft porn is OK, and actively seek it out, they could end up on a dangerous path toward hardcore porn.
2. Talk about pop culture’s messaging.
We’re exposed to soft porn through ads, video games, and online content. With so much sexualized material out there, we can feel tricked into thinking it’s not a problem. But the nonprofit Fight the New Drug (FTD) says, “Today’s softcore porn is what was hardcore 50 years ago. We have become numb to seeing sexualized and objectified bodies everywhere we look.” Ask your kids how they feel seeing these images and what they think the purpose is of using racy content. Ask them how it meshes with your family’s values.
You could also discuss values such as dignity, respect, and fairness, along with what it means to have a healthy body image. One way to protect your teen from soft porn is to educate them on why companies use it and how it can challenge our values.
3. Discuss how soft porn devalues women.
We know pornography isn’t good for individuals or couples, but soft porn can have similarly negative effects on those who view it. Research from the University of Nottingham found that “Frequent viewers of soft-core pornography, such as photographs of naked and semi-naked female models, are unlikely to think positively about women and are likely to have become desensitized to soft-core pornography common in newspapers, advertising and the media.” If you have a son, help him understand that soft porn sends the wrong message about wo
men—and that real respect means seeing women as more than just bodies. And if you have a daughter, remind her that her worth isn’t tied to how she looks or what the media says is sexy. She’s so much more than that.
Make sure you
r teen knows that soft porn isn’t harmless. Turning the channel, looking away, or getting up and leaving the room are signs of strength when soft porn tries to grab their attention.
4. Set media boundaries.
“Jake’s seen it,” my teen told me. He’s always telling me about someone who’s seen an R-rated movie or show we’ve deemed too “mature.” But it’s our rule: no adult movies with sex or graphic violence. If you’re having similar arguments and conversations, stay firm with your teen. But be honest with your reasons as well. “Once you’ve seen this sort of stuff, you can’t unsee it,” I told mine. “And seeing it can desensitize you to what’s right. I don’t want you thinking these things are OK.”
5. Use tech to monitor what your teen is viewing.
“Technically, Mom, I’m almost an adult,” my son reminds me at least once a week. But I still keep filters and parental controls on his phone and laptop. I want to protect my teen from soft porn and pornography for as long as I can. So, I’ve blocked social media, Netflix, and Hulu, among other sites. “Setting up filters on the tech that children [and teens] use is a good way to keep them from seeing sexually explicit videos and images,” says Common Sense Media. You can also monitor what they’re viewing and make informed decisions. Download our family internet contract for free.
Our kids will be grown and gone before we know it. But while they’re still under our roofs, we should do what we can to protect our teens from soft porn and all the suggestive content that tech unfortunately offers.
We have to be vigilant in our digital age to protect our teens from soft porn and racy content. What have you done to make sure your teens avoid adult images?
