You just don’t get how hard it is for guys right now.
Men aren’t supposed to cry. That’s weak.
Why bother being nice? It doesn’t get you anywhere.
You’re just trying to control me like every other female!
Yikes, right? This type of misogynistic thinking isn’t usually where boys start. They go online, looking for connection and community, and sometimes run into simple, subtle messaging, like the guy who narrates his Minecraft play while making remarks about the inferiority of women. But after a single, curious click, algorithms can quickly steer these boys toward even more misogynistic content.
It’s important to be aware: The manosphere exists online worldwide. Its messaging infiltrates platforms including YouTube, gaming sites, discussion forums, and social media. While no one is exempt from stumbling across radical content, boys struggling with loneliness or low self-esteem are particularly vulnerable to believing the manosphere’s lies.
What is the manosphere?
The manosphere consists of websites and discussion forums revolving around men’s interests and rights, often in connection to the dislike of women. The Cambridge Dictionary explains that “[t]he manosphere provides a kind of locker room, a place where guys can gripe about all the bad things that are being done to them by women.”
We don’t want our boys believing the wrong messages if they see them online. Here are 7 messages your boy needs to hear to counteract the manosphere’s lies and its negative messaging about women and manhood.
1. Real strength includes vulnerability.
The manosphere’s lie: Don’t show your real feelings. You have to look tough. You can’t cry. That’s weak.
Unfortunately, these messages have seeped into our culture over time. But our boys need to hear the opposite message: Showing real feelings is good and healthy. Being outwardly sad or empathetic takes courage. But that’s also when real friendships develop.
2. Respect is nonnegotiable in all relationships.
The manosphere’s lie: You don’t need to respect women because they’re not as smart as we are.
Today, women own nearly 40% of all U.S. businesses, generating over $3.3 trillion in revenue, according to a Wells Fargo Report. And according to this article in Forbes, girls are outperforming boys from kindergarten to college. The manosphere lies to boys and doesn’t want them to know the truth. But no matter what job a woman holds, or what grade a girl gets in school, we need to teach our sons to respect others.
Jesus of Nazareth, in his famous Sermon on the Mount, said, “Treat others the way you want to be treated.” Tell your son that for a relationship to work, men and women need to listen to each other and respect each other’s ideas and opinions. His girlfriend’s (or friend’s) interests are just as important as his.
3. Your worth isn’t tied to money, power, or status.
The manosphere’s lie: The more money, power, and status you have, the better you are as a man.
Toxic influencer Andrew Tate uses his platform to showcase his cars, his wealth, and subsequently, his maltreatment of women. He sends the wrong messages to vulnerable boys who go online looking for answers. We need to make sure our sons know their worth does not come from material items. I want my kids to know that a loving God created them, which makes them valuable. What do you think you need to communicate to your son?
4. Masculinity comes in many forms.
The manosphere’s lie: There’s only one way to be a real man. You have to be a tough-guy.
Let’s let our sons know that there isn’t just one way to be a man. You can care deeply, cry when you’re hurting, stand up for others, and be loud or quiet. You can play an instrument, a sport, or a video game. Being masculine means being confident in who you are and respecting others for who they are. If our boys know we’re proud of who they are and we let them know often enough, they’ll internalize these messages.
5. Women aren’t your enemies or prizes.
The manosphere’s lie: Women are out to get you.
In an article by The Association for Child and Adolescent Mental Health, the authors state that social media influencers within the manosphere spread the message that women are inferior to men and “innately illogical, selfish, materialistic and scheming.” These influencers in the manosphere also paint men as the victims, making it easier for them to then justify “harassment, coercive control and discriminatory behavior.” To counteract these lies, we have to teach our sons to respect respect the women and girls in their lives through their actions and words.
Use our free printable that covers the 5 Things Moms Must Teach Their Sons About How to Treat Girls to spark conversation at dinner, in the car, or wherever you are with your boy.
6. Online influencers don’t always tell the truth.
The manosphere’s lie: We’re telling you the truth about women and how they’re out to get us.
Some content on social media, and gaming sites, include subtle misogynistic messaging. Sometimes, boys don’t realize that what they’re hearing, seeing, or reading is lies. Our sons need to be wary about who they listen to and follow. Speak truth into your boy as often as possible. The voices he hears most will shape his attitude and self-worth.
7. You shouldn’t have to change who you are to fit in.
The manosphere’s lie: You need to be more manly. Tougher.
Boys who struggle to fit in may turn to the manosphere for acceptance. And at that point, they may adopt beliefs that differ from how they were raised. That’s why our sons need to know that real friends will accept them for who they are. They don’t need to act tough, hide their feelings, or pretend to be someone they’re not. Help your son understand that it takes courage to stay true to who he is.
Have any subtle messages from the manosphere worked their way into your home? Which ones?
