By the time bedtime rolls around, most of us are running on fumes.
I’ll never forget one night when my daughters were chasing each other through the house, one screaming, the other mischievously threatening to put her toothbrush in her sister’s mouth. I glanced at the clock and counted the minutes until I could finally tuck them in and claim a few minutes of peace.
But when I grabbed the book we’d been reading together, something shifted. The bickering softened. Their shoulders relaxed. Within minutes, they were snuggled up next to me, listening. As mentally exhausted as I was, I saw how our familiar bedtime routine changed the stressful environment into one of connection for all of us.
Reading isn’t the only bonding activity to include in your bedtime routine for kids. Here are 10 others you’ll all enjoy doing together.
1. Tell them you noticed them doing something great that day.
Research published in the journal Beyond Behavior shows there’s real power in this practice. Positive reinforcement is a research-based strategy essential for supporting children’s appropriate behaviors and skills. And studies consistently show that parenting practices that include warmth and specific praise strengthen parent-child relationships.
Keep a note in your phone of things you catch your kids doing well throughout the day, and then share what you witnessed at bedtime.
2. Tell them a story of when you were a kid.
My fondest memories growing up are of snuggling up to my grandma at night while she told me stories of herself as a little girl. I constantly asked her to repeat the same ones over and over. When I was an adult, I asked her to share her stories in a recording that I treasure to this day.
3. Describe them using a third-person narrative.
Sharing with someone using the third person helps them see themselves in a different way. It can make the words penetrate deeper into their hearts. For instance, you could use a picture of your son from your phone and say, “This boy is smart, courageous, creative, funny, and kind.”
4. Share with them about their ancestors and where they come from.
For an assignment in high school, I had to interview family members and write our family history. I learned that my Protestant great-great-grandmother chased a Catholic priest down a street and that another relative was a bootlegger. Kids love hearing stories like these—a riveting alternative to your usual bedtime stories.
5. Make up a story together, taking turns with each sentence.
Camping is a summer must for my family. When the kids were young, we would sit around the campfire and make up a long story by going around in a circle, taking turns, and adding one line to the story. It got long and elaborate and silly. My youngest daughter would always start by saying, “One night, there was a wolf.” We still tease her about that today.
6. Create a letting-go jar.
According to a 2024 CDC study, anxiety in children has been steadily increasing, with an average annual increase of 6% since 2016. One way to help reduce stress is to regularly practice letting go of false responsibilities or expectations, worries, and things beyond one’s control.
When kids write down or symbolize their worries with objects, it helps them feel more in control, rather than having those thoughts swirl around in their minds.
Here’s how it works: Give your kids (and maybe yourself) each a penny or token. Talk about what stressor that token represents, then place it in a jar that you take out of the room when you kiss them goodnight. Just knowing their worries are in the jar, not in their heads, can help them let go and fall asleep more peacefully.
7. Repeat the same silly phrase as you walk out the door.
The last words my mom always said when she left my room at night were, “Don’t let the bedbugs bite your bottom.” I would laugh and feel loved. It was a silly thing to say, but her repetitiveness of it made it a term of endearment. Now that she’s elderly, I say it to her. Bedtime routines for kids that create a special bond can be as simple as just saying a few words, so pick some to say tonight.
8. Turn sharing time into rhyme time.
Using only rhyming words, report on the events of each other’s day. “Was today fun?” “Yes, I had fun in the sun!” There will be lots of giggles and smiles, and siblings will actually listen to each other. And, yes, quirky made-up words totally count…as long as they rhyme!
9. Pretend to be a book or movie character.
Reading a story together facilitates connection. Putting on a pair of glasses or a hat like a character in the story or as a movie character while you go through the bedtime rituals makes it fun too. You could also do a character or silly voice while you read. You don’t have to be good at it. Kids will enjoy the fact that you are just trying.
1o. Take the 30-day pillow talk challenge.
Asking questions like these creates an invitation for your kids to share what’s on their minds. It also creates a way for each child to explore who they are and for you to share in return.
What are some fun and easy things you do to connect with your kids at bedtime?
