I sat on the couch in the quiet and took a deep breath. Ahh. Sugared Apple. My favorite Yankee Candle Christmas scent. I was exhausted from work, shopping, and juggling the chaos of the holiday. Still, the silence wasn’t relaxing. It just reminded me that my kids were at their dad’s, and my home and heart felt empty.
For single moms who are co-parenting at Christmas, the holidays hurt. When your kids are away, loneliness creeps in. But here’s the thing, Mom. You’re not alone. Countless single moms navigate this every year. The good news is that despite empty spaces, Christmas can still be filled with joy. Here are 5 ideas to create a Christmas that celebrates the goodness and magic in your life even when your kids are at Dad’s.
1. Crash a celebration (with permission).
“I’ll be there by 6 a.m.!” I told my friend whose four kids would surely be up waaaaay before that on Christmas morning. I knew I’d be tempted to stay bundled up and bummed out in bed, so I asked if she’d mind having a spectator at their gift-opening frenzy. I barely made it in time, but it was so much fun.
It sounds like a no-duh, but sometimes, the best cure for loneliness when you’re co-parenting at Christmas is simply being around other people. Maybe your brother is hosting a big dinner, or your neighbor invited you to tag along to their candlelight church service. Accept invitations or ask politely if you can join in and celebrate with people who are special to you.
2. Make others smile.
There’s an undeniable joy that comes from giving back, especially during the holidays. So volunteer at a women’s shelter or toy drive. Don’t feel like committing to anything official? Offer to hold the ladder as your neighbor hangs lights, or email your child’s teacher and volunteer to cut out construction paper stars and angels for the class Christmas party.
Helping others can be a powerful antidote to loneliness. Susan Albers, psychologist for Cleveland Clinic, says volunteering decreases stress levels, depression, and anxiety and boosts your overall health and satisfaction with life. It’s proven to make you feel better!
3. Start a so-bad-it’s-good movie tradition.
Most cheesy Hallmark movies are kid-friendly enough, but kids can’t truly appreciate the abundance of pea coats and buffalo plaid. So when they’re at their dad’s, invite a friend over, put on your PJs, pop some popcorn, and settle in for Hallmark movie bingo.
Create bingo cards with squares like “mistletoe kiss,” “small-town Christmas miracle,” and “overly enthusiastic townsfolk.” Every time a cliché pops up, stamp your square! Center square is a snowball fight: i.e., free space!
4. Give yourself the gift of anticipation.
If your little ones won’t be with you on Christmas morning, consider waiting until then to wrap a few gifts. As you wrap, tape, and tie, play some Christmas music and sip on a cup of hot cocoa. The bigger the dollop of whipped cream, the better. The anticipation will build excitement for your reunion with your kids, and you’ll keep your hands and mind busy.
5. Get a head start on the new year.
Last year on New Year’s Day, I woke up, tied up my laces, and went for a walk. I was excited to count it as part of my goal of walking four times per week. You don’t have to wait until January 1st to start thinking about your resolutions, goals, or dreams for the coming year. Maybe you’ve been wanting to take a solo trip, learn a new skill, or finally decorate your home office. Use this quiet time away from your kids to brainstorm goals, create a vision board, and get excited about the possibilities the coming year holds.
What do you do during the holidays when your kids aren’t home with you?
