I found the crumpled math test in her backpack. When I asked about it, she lowered her eyes and said, “It was hard.” It’d certainly been a tough year so far. Had the work just gotten more challenging now that she was a little older? “Hey, it’s OK,” I said when I spotted a wobbly lip. “It’s just one test. We’ll study together next time.” She blinked and smiled, then lunged forward, wrapping her arms around my waist. I wanted her to know that one bad grade (or even a few) doesn’t mean she won’t succeed in life. Grades aren’t the only things that matter.
We sometimes worry that our kids’ future success is written in their test scores. But, to succeed in life, there are lot of other things that matter more. Whether or not your child aces tests, here are 7 signs she’ll succeed in life.
1. She has empathy for others.
Empathy is a way of connecting with others. It forges relationships. If your child can place herself in another child’s shoes and respond with kindness, she’s going to be able to make friends and get along with others who look, act, or behave differently. Some kids are naturally more empathetic than others, but you can teach your child empathy. If a classmate forgets her snack, your child could share hers. Empathy also grows as children get older and have more experiences. So, continue to point out ways your child can empathize with what other people are going through to grow this skill.
2. He’s self-motivated.
If your child sets little goals for himself and doesn’t need coaxing to get schoolwork done, good for you! But many kids aren’t quite there yet. In Dr. Shimi Kang’s book The Self-Motivated Kid, she says for children to develop self-motivation, they need more opportunities to figure things out for themselves through trial and error. As parents, we shouldn’t interfere too soon. Intentionally stepping back and not hovering or helping can build self-motivation and independence in our children. To succeed in life, kids need to do a little struggling on their own so they can build confidence.
3. She’s curious to know more.
Curiosity leads to learning. You can encourage your kids to be curious by answering their many questions (even when it’s sometimes hard to be patient). Also, you can ask your child questions instead of providing an answer right away. The Penn State Extension program says we can be good role models for curiosity by being open to new experiences and unafraid to make mistakes. “Curious children want to explore,” so if you find yourself saying, “Don’t touch,” “Don’t get dirty,” or “Don’t play with that,” you might want to put away or lock up breakables so you don’t dampen your child’s curiosity.
4. He’s optimistic.
Not everyone is born with a sunny disposition. But if you want your child to be a little more optimistic and hopeful, especially when faced with challenges or setbacks, there are things you can do. Start by tweaking your own words and modeling a more hopeful attitude. Encourage a growth mindset—that even though he hasn’t achieved his goal yet, he can continue to work at it and hopefully get there. With that type of attitude, he’ll believe he can succeed in life.
5. She has an opinion.
If your child has the inner strength to speak up either at home or at school with her thoughts and does so in an assertive but respectful way, she’s on her way to future success. To encourage more assertiveness in your child, ask her for her thoughts and opinions. Try to avoid giving yours too soon. And listen attentively when she shares stories about her day with you.
6. He takes risks.
Positive, healthy risks are good for kids! We’re talking about inviting a new friend over to play, biking to school alone, or joining a new club. Taking chances leads to growth in self-esteem and independence. Your child might need a little encouragement, but the more he steps out of his comfort zone, the easier it’ll get. Getting comfortable with positive risk-taking will help him in every stage of development and set him up to succeed in life.
7. She has self-control.
Good self-control over one’s thoughts and actions is a greater indicator for success in life than a child’s IQ. That’s what researchers found in a 40-year study of more than 1,000 children as discussed in American Scientist. We can help our kids develop self-control skills such as conscientiousness, self-discipline, and perseverance with “martial arts, music lessons, and computer games.” Even learning a secondary language, they say, can help. Also, we can delay gratification at home. In other words, don’t give in to the treat or TV show right away. Self-control is a muscle that, with practice, can get stronger!
What do you think is the most important thing kids need to succeed in life?
