Are you feeling overwhelmed as a mom? That tracks! When kids enter elementary school, moms often end up carrying way more “shoulds” than we, well, should. Should I sign my child up for soccer and dance? What about piano? Should we start using more flashcards together? Should I be the room mom? Should I schedule more playdates? Should, should, should…?!?
But research shows many things we stress over during these years don’t really matter for our kids’ long-term well-being. And letting go of some of them can make us more emotionally available for what matters more. If you’re feeling overwhelmed as a mom, here are 5 pressures you can release.
1. Sitting Beside Your Child for Every Homework Assignment
It’s tempting to sit with your child every night, checking answers, organizing folders, and keeping homework on track. That’s what we “should” be doing if we want them to do well, right?! (And, Mom, it feels so good to be needed by our not-so-little kids anymore.)
But kids who develop independent homework habits in elementary school build stronger skills in planning, focus, and self-regulation. A study published in Child Neuropsychology found that kids who relied too heavily on parent help in elementary school struggled more in 6th grade, when that support wasn’t there. So, if we’re always sitting beside our kids, managing their workload, we’re not letting them build up the practice (and confidence) needed to be more independent.
What Really Matters: Give your child structure and support without hovering. Set a regular homework time and spot away from screens, then step back. You might say, “I’ll check back in 10 minutes to see how it’s going.” This gives your child space to work through challenges while knowing you’re nearby if needed.
2. Fixing Every Friendship Drama
With playground alliances and lunchroom drama, school friendships can feel like a reality show. Young kids are still learning about friendships, so relationships often get messy. And when your child gets off the bus upset because of a squabble over the swings at recess, the urge to fix it can be automatic. Maybe you think you “should” text the other mom, arrange a playdate to smooth things over, or email the teacher.
But kids who learn to handle conflicts on their own develop stronger emotional regulation and social skills. Long-term studies have found that children who build social competence early tend to have fewer problems with friendships later on. Stepping in to rescue them robs them of the real-world practice they need to grow.
What Really Matters: Start by validating your child’s feelings. “That sounds really hurtful” goes a long way. Then coach your child through what to do next: “What could you say to your friend tomorrow?” or “What do you want to be different next time?” You’re teaching your child to advocate for herself and showing her she can handle hard things.
3. Signing Your Child Up for Everything
Tennis, piano, chess club, robotics club, language lessons, Awanas, oh, and swim lessons. It’s easy to feel like we should sign our kids up for everything to stay “on track.” I mean, shouldn’t we give our kids every opportunity we can?
But, guess what? Overscheduling our kids doesn’t make them smarter. Studies show that kids who are packed with homework and extracurriculars often end up more stressed and anxious, particularly by the time they reach high school. And they aren’t actually seeing a significant academic boost.
What Really Matters: Your child needs downtime for free play (inside and outside), unhurried moments with you, and, yes, time just to sit around heavily sighing, “I’m bored.” Those quiet, unplanned hours encourage creativity, problem-solving, and independence. And, Mom, this gives YOU breathing space when you’re feeling overwhelmed and guards your heart from burnout.
4. Policing Every Snack and Screen
For three weeks straight, Ellery would only eat dinosaur-shaped chicken “nuggies” with ranch and Nutella sandwiches. That’s it. I tried. I really tried. I knew she should be eating other things, just like I knew I shouldn’t say yes to 30 more minutes of Minecraft with her sister. (I did.) Cue the mom guilt.
It makes logical sense that we should control every bite and every minute of screentime to keep our kids healthy and defend against brain rot. But research shows that when parents restrict access to favorite foods, kids often end up eating more of them. And, studies show that interactive or educational content supports learning and problem-solving. It’s passive watching that’s linked to the greater issues.
What Really Matters: Focus on moderation with boundaries. Let your child enjoy that non-organic snack, watch an age-appropriate show after school, or play a game while you establish rules, teach digital literacy, and reward good habits.
5. Making Sure Your Child Is Ahead Academically
Of course, we should want our kids to do well in elementary school. Every grade comes with its own unique kind of pressure, though. Kindergarten starts them off well. Third-grade test scores feel like they predict later ACT or SAT scores. And fifth grade? Well, that’s our last big checkpoint before middle school!
But research shows that early academic acceleration in elementary school doesn’t predict long-term success. Kids who are “average” often catch up (or surpass) early high achievers later on. In fact, social-emotional skills such as curiosity, resilience, and effort are usually better predictors of future success in school.
What Really Matters: Encourage a growth mindset, celebrate effort over grades, and nurture curiosity. Let your child explore, make mistakes, and learn at his own pace. (Psst. Your child is a pretty great kid already.)
Letting go of even a few of these “should-be-doing” pressures can make motherhood feel a lot more manageable. And since we all process overwhelm differently, what helps you when you’re feeling overwhelmed as a mom?
