My son hopped out of the car and scurried ahead. “Wait for me!” I called. He hustled down the sidewalk, lugging his trombone case. “I don’t want to walk in with you,” he muttered. I watched as he disappeared into the building, several steps ahead, and chuckled. Apparently, I wasn’t cool enough to walk with him. But being a cool mom, I’ve realized, doesn’t look the way I thought it would.
It’s not about being your kid’s best friend or being the mom your kids never argue with. Most of us have felt the pull to just say yes, to go along, to keep things easy. We want our kids to like us. And sometimes easy is fine. But easy isn’t the same as cool. A truly cool mom is the one who puts on her coat and goes to the concert even when her kid doesn’t want to walk with her. And that’s not all. Here are 10 ways to define what it means to be a cool mom.
1. She shows up.
I didn’t really want to go to the band concert that cold winter evening. But I put on my coat anyway. Afterward, I told my son which song I liked best, and he had a lot to say about it on the ride home.
It might be tempting to stay home when your kid makes it clear he’d rather you didn’t come. But a cool mom goes anyway because she knows it’s important to be there, even if her kid doesn’t say so.
2. She has rules and holds kids accountable.
In some sitcoms and kids’ books, moms come across as flighty. In real life, we know being a good mom is hard, but we don’t give up. Kids don’t actually want to be in charge, even when they act like it. When children sense that no one is holding the line, it feels scary. A cool mom knows her kids need her to be the adult in the room, even when they’re lobbying hard for the opposite.
From bedtime rules to behavior, a cool mom teaches her kids how to be good people.
3. She’s consistent.
A caricature of a cool mom gives in to a child who begs because she thinks it’ll win points and her child will like her more.
But a real cool mom remains consistent as she faces puppy-dog eyes because she knows what’s best for her kid.
4. She makes her kids laugh with her and at themselves.
A real cool mom knows that what’s funny shouldn’t be at the expense of others. Researchers even found that a healthy sense of humor, especially the ability to laugh at yourself, is one of the traits resilient people share. It’s a coping skill cool moms pass on to their kids.
When I was little, my mom taught me how to laugh at myself so I could better handle the red-faced embarrassment that comes from making mistakes. I’m trying to teach my own kids the same thing.
5. She makes her kids try new things.
My kids didn’t want to go to the art museum last month, but I made them. It would have been easier to skip it. But a cool mom knows that some of the best things she gives her kids are the ones they didn’t ask for.
From curry to karate, I want my kids to experience a wide range of things. Doing so gives them a better understanding of other cultures, which also helps with making new friends.
6. She gets to know their friends.
A certain type of mom might think serving alcohol to minors or turning a blind eye to certain behaviors makes her cool. But that’s far from it.
A real cool mom doesn’t give up her authority by acting like a teen herself. She makes kids feel welcome in her home by asking polite questions and providing age-appropriate activities for kids to do.
7. She lets them see her try new things and take healthy risks.
Years ago, a “cool” mom might’ve smoked, but these days, a real cool mom takes better care of her body.
My friend Val took swim lessons in her forties, learning the strokes so she could feel safe taking her kids to the lake. In Val, these kiddos have a strong, fearless mom they know they can count on.
8. She lets them overhear her talking them up.
Maybe a “cool” mom doesn’t care if her kids hear her curse or trash-talk a teacher. But a cool mom watches what she says.
And when she knows her kids are listening, she talks about their diligence in math class and their kindness toward a neighbor.
9. She’s a good role model.
I’ve heard friends good-naturedly bash their hubbies. But I want my kids to see me treating their dad well. I greet him when he comes home from work and compliment him on the tasty meal he worked hard to make.
The other day, I held the door for a woman pushing a stroller. I’m glad my kids saw because maybe they’ll think it’s cool to be kind too.
10. She takes them to church, and she prays with them.
A cool mom leads her kids to God. She teaches how to pray and makes the inside of a church familiar. Try iMOM’s free printable 10 Ways to Teach Your Kids How to Pray to get started.
My mom likes to tell the story of how I often got carried out of church crying. But she kept bringing me back each week. My mom knew what was best for me and never gave up. I’m so grateful for that! She was, I have to say, the coolest mom ever.
What else does it take to be a cool mom?
