Nothing spirals me into catastrophizing faster than the threat of a stomach bug. The moment my kids mention a classmate going to the nurse, I shift into interrogation mode: Did they throw up? Did you sit next to them? Did you share your markers? Do you feel sick? Before I know it, I’m stocking the pantry with saltines and electrolytes and rescheduling appointments just in case.
Our mom brains can be a little dramatic, can’t they? A tiny spark of concern can turn into a five-alarm fire. Negative thinking can sneak in so easily. One worry turns into another and before we know it, we’re drained by constant “what-ifs.” But with a few intentional shifts, you can stop the spiral. Here are the 5 “Cs” of negative thinking and ways to replace them with healthier thought patterns. Start with the one you find yourself doing the most.
1. How to Stop Complaining
Complaining is when we get stuck pointing out what’s wrong, like the never-ending laundry pile or the sibling squabbles every day after school, without moving toward a fix. A little venting is normal (and can be healthy to release emotions), but when complaining becomes a habit, it trains our brains to search for what’s wrong instead of what’s right.
The Fix: Try the 3-to-1 Rule. Include three things you’re grateful for related to every complaint you make. Tired of cleaning the kitchen by yourself? Say, “I wish the kids would help with the dishes, but I’m grateful for that delicious meal, for a dishwasher, and for the chance to teach my kids how to help out.” This small habit retrains your brain to see the whole picture rather than being laser-focused on negative thinking.
2. How to Stop Criticizing Yourself
While complaining focuses on what’s wrong, criticizing turns that energy inward. But, there’s a difference between healthy self-reflection and critical self-attack. Reflection says: “I lost my cool with my kid today. How can I handle it better next time?” Criticism says: “I’m a terrible mom. I always mess things up.” The critical voice of your inner mean mom points out every flaw and failure.
The Fix: Practice self-compassion talk. Imagine your best friend came to you with the same struggle. What would you say to her? You’d probably be encouraging, not condemning. Replace “I’m so bad at this” with “That didn’t go the way I wanted, but I’m learning.” This simple shift softens your inner dialogue and moves away from negative thinking.
3. How to Stop Unproductive Concern
Worry might feel like part of the mom job description, but not all worry is created equal. “Productive concern” leads to action, like calling the nurse line when your toddler’s cough sounds like a seal’s bark. “Unproductive concern” is when you replay “what if” scenarios with no clear solution, like What if my 15-year-old fails chemistry, can’t get into college, and lives at home forever?
Rather than spurring action, that kind of negative thinking fuels anxiety. And when we’re anxious, research shows that while we’re more likely to seek advice, we’re also less likely to discern the good from the bad. That’s why we sometimes treat a pediatrician and a TikTok reel as equally credible.
The Fix: Create a Worry Window. Set aside 10–15 minutes a day to jot down concerns, think them through, and pray over them. If a worry pops up outside your “window,” tell yourself, “I’ll think about that at 7 p.m.” This gives you control over your thoughts, rather than letting them control you.
4. How to Stop Commiserating
Commiserating is bonding over the hard stuff, like laughing (or sighing) with another mom about kids who won’t sleep, picky eaters, or teens who excel at pushing boundaries (and our buttons). It feels good to be seen and understood, especially in certain seasons of motherhood, but if every conversation stays stuck in the struggles, it can drag everyone deeper into negativity.
The Fix: Redirect conversations toward solutions and hope. Be the friend who asks, “What’s going well?” or “What’s something funny your kids have done lately?” You’ll still be supportive, but you’ll also help lift the emotional tone.
5. How to Stop Catastrophizing
Catastrophizing occurs when your brain immediately jumps from a minor hiccup to the worst-case scenario. Your child doesn’t get invited to a birthday party, and suddenly you’re imagining her friendless, eating lunch alone, and being excluded from everything in middle school.
The Fix: Try the Most Likely Outcome exercise. When your mind jumps to worst-case scenarios, pause and ask yourself, “What’s the most realistic ending to this situation?” Chances are, it’s not doom and gloom. Then, from there, focus on what’s actually within your control and look for small ways to bring calm into the moment.
Negative thoughts may pop up daily, but they don’t have to take over. With a few intentional shifts, you can retrain your mind to stop the spiral. Which “C” do you struggle with the most? And what helps you with negative thinking?
