You’ve been there. You see it starting before you hear it—the furrowed brow, the reddening of the face, and the fists balling up. A temper tantrum is coming. Before I had a child of my own, I stupidly thought parents were the ones to blame. I’d think, Don’t these people know how to handle temper tantrums? Make the kid stop!
Now I look back and laugh. My kids had plenty of tantrums, but I learned from moms of well-behaved young children that they don’t have to be a regular occurrence. The common advice I heard was to diffuse the situation, have consistent consequences, and hug a lot. But depending on where you are, you’ll react differently. Here is how to handle temper tantrums at home, in public, and at daycare or school.
How to Handle Tantrums at Home
We realized as soon as we didn’t react to the temper tantrum, it dissipated quickly. So we would send our toddler to her room, tell her in a quiet but firm tone that “when you have calmed down, you can come out,” and then shut the door. We went on with our life but checked in on her from time to time to make sure she was still safe. Lo and behold, my nice child returned!
When she was older, we let her know such behavior had consequences such as no treats or electronics. That sometimes would set her off again, but if you don’t “stick to your guns” when they are little, they will not respect boundaries when they are older. When the tantrum was completely over, we gave out hugs and continued our routine.
How to Handle Tantrums in Public
Here it gets a bit trickier. It’s not like you can say to your child, “Go to your room!” So you have to remove them from the situation entirely to give them a type of emotional reset. At a restaurant, my husband and I would take our red-faced daughter either to the car or just outside for a walk. Most of the time, she would calm down quickly. If the behavior stopped, we would attempt to return to the table or the store. Of course, that meant the other was sitting alone at the table or we had to leave a place after having just arrived. That’s why following through with consequences is so hard for parents. It’s a punishment for us, too! But it’s worth it when you see a change in your child’s behavior.
How to Handle Tantrums at Daycare or School
This, I think, is the trickiest to master because you aren’t with your child. However, consequences can still be enforced at home when misbehavior happens somewhere else. It’s allowed me to talk to my daughter about how her behavior should be the same no matter what adult is in charge. And if she misbehaves, the same consequences occur.
How to Handle Temper Tantrums Before They Start
As time has progressed, I now work to prevent wrong behavior by “heading it off at the pass.” I have found the best way to do so is to plan ahead. Tell your toddler what is going to transpire in the next few hours, have realistic expectations, and bring a grab bag of stuff to keep her attention. I still have a huge purse I fill with books, drawing supplies, and snacks, and I bring her blanket if I know I need a long stretch of good behavior from her.
It hasn’t always been easy, but we remained consistent. Now our daughter sends herself to her room when she’s in trouble! It makes us laugh. But she stops crying quickly and joins us once again, runs up to give us a hug, and tells us she loves us.
What are some of your most creative ways for dealing with tantrums?
