“You still love me?” my son asked after he sat on his sister’s violin bow. I closed my eyes and tried to push the bubbling emotions down. When I opened them and found my son peering at me with concern, I nodded and pulled him in for a hug. “Of course, I still love you. I know you didn’t mean it. There’s nothing you could do to make me not love you.”
Letting someone down never feels good, and kids can translate messing up to meaning they temporarily lose our love. Don’t let this lie linger in your home. Speak truth into their hearts and reassure them your love is unconditional, even in the hard times. That it can’t be lost, and it never needs to be earned. Here are 8 important times to remind your kids how much you love them.
1. When They Ruin Something You Really Liked
When our boys were little, my husband finally splurged on a new TV that he’d had his eye on for a year. That afternoon, our boys got wrapped up in a Nerf game, and the TV became the ultimate target. When my husband settled into the recliner that night to enjoy his new TV for the first time, instead of a crisp new display, he saw glitchy lines across the screen. He was bummed, of course, and our boys felt terrible. It wasn’t fun, but it was a great opportunity to make sure our boys knew they are loved far beyond any item we could ever own.
2. When They Are Less Than Perfect With Grades, Sports, or Other Performances, and Feel Like They Disappointed You
We’ve set reasonable expectations for our boys’ grades over the years. However, our youngest son holds himself to a higher standard than we do. So when he gets frustrated at his grades, it’s a great opportunity to remind him his value doesn’t rest in his performance. He is unconditionally loved.
3. When They Mess Up or Let Someone Down
When I was five, I went to a birthday party where I got caught up in our game and sprinkled magical healing dust, a.k.a. actual dirt, into my friend’s eyes. She was fine after a couple of minutes and a few blinks. But her older siblings were livid that I hurt her, and I was deeply ashamed. It was a small thing, but sometimes those little things can embarrass our kids more than we realize, especially if we have sensitive kids like I was. So be on the lookout for times when your child might be embarrassed by a mistake they made, and take that opportunity to speak love into their hearts.
4. When We Realize We Shouldn’t Have Yelled at Them
If you’ve never lost your cool with your kids, then congratulations on being super-human. Meanwhile, the rest of us mortals will sometimes have to swallow our pride, be vulnerable, and transform our mistake into a chance to show our kids what reparation and apology look like. We can assure them that our mess-ups don’t mean we don’t love them.
5. When You Forget to Pick Them Up From School or an Activity
Oh wow, this one hits home. My son’s entire 5th-grade year, every time he left, he’d tell Alexa to remind me to pick him up, all because one time I was wrapped up in deep thought at work, and he found himself stranded at the pool. Whoops! Poor guy. Lucky for me, this one has turned into multiple times to remind him how much I love him, because even as a teen, he still gives me a hard time about it. A little love can turn a potential scar into a good-natured joke over time.
6. When You Carelessly Leave Their Artwork on Top of the Trash, and They Find It
OK, I’m a level-five pack rat, so this one never impacted me, but my friends got caught in this scenario more than once. What a great chance to tell our kids how much we love them and celebrate what they’ve created while acknowledging we are not the work we produce, and we don’t need to hold onto the thing in order to hold onto the joy we felt in creating it.
7. When We Miss an Important Game, Recital, Award Ceremony, Teacher Conference, Field Trip, or Class Party
You and I both know the number of activities can feel endless. Inevitably, there will be one we miss. Still, we don’t want this to secretly weave a narrative in our kids’ little hearts that they don’t matter to us. So use every event you miss as an opportunity to tell your child how much you love them. Then delight together as they tell you all about what you missed. It’s great practice for those teenage years in hopes you get more than a “fine” out of them when you ask about their day!
8. When You Say Something Critical About Them, and They Overhear It
When I was little, my friend and I were messing around with our pretend makeup, and the makeover did not go as planned. I knew she looked a little silly. But when I overheard my mom and her friend laughing, it broke my little heart. My mom took the opportunity to have a tender moment with me. Almost forty years later, that’s what I carry with me from that experience—not the initial hurt I felt. Do the same for your kids. Take the time to turn your slip-up into a memory of how much you love them.
Life is moving fast. It can be easy to forget how often our kids need to hear that extra little reassurance that we love them no matter what. You love your child more than life itself. So take the time to make sure they know it too!
How often do you think parents should say “I love you” to their children?
Check out 7 Things a Son Needs From His Father on All Pro Dad.
