“Kiss me!” my husband said, leaning in. Ah fine, I thought, but I had my oven-mitted hands full and my mind pinwheeling with the new recipe I’d (unwisely) decided to make that evening. It wasn’t a romantic kiss or anything near it. But later, when the dust (or should I say couscous?) settled, I thought about why I’d been so frazzled. Kissing in marriage can become less frequent the longer a couple is married. There are many reasons for it, including busyness with kids, work, and the reality of honeymoon hormones long since wearing off. But the word is kissing is good for your marriage.
Yep. “Kissing increases blood levels of the hormone oxytocin, which encourages interpersonal attachment,” says health journalist Michael Castleman. So, pucker up! Kissing in marriage is good for your relationship. Here are 5 kisses to give your husband today.
1. Hello Kiss
Maybe it’s, hello, time for coffee! Or maybe it’s when you’ve gotten home from work. There are couples who kiss hello and couples who have fallen out of the habit. I get it. We’re all busy and have a million things on our minds. But taking a moment to plant one on your husband can have a big effect on your relationship.
Kissing in marriage helps you feel connected and satisfied with your relationship, says Castleman, while “infrequent everyday kissing [is] strongly associated with sexual and relationship dissatisfaction.” No one wants that! So, summon your inner teenager waiting at your locker and get ready. Go on. Just try it.
2. Kiss and Make Up
Most couples disagree or argue on occasion. But when that happens, are you both willing to move on and grow from the incident? Ending a fight peacefully takes effort and sometimes the humility to admit when you’re wrong. And while it’s good to talk about whatever happened, kissing tells your husband you still love him in a way only you can.
Kissing conveys hope, along with forgiveness. It also builds trust because it takes a bit of vulnerability to reach out and kiss after a fight. But making this effort can deepen your intimacy and keeps the spark alive in your relationship. “When you don’t want to because of hurt or anger, kiss [him] anyway,” says Eagle Family Ministries.
3. Six-Second Kiss
When you kiss, you’re giving your husband attention. And doing so tells the other person he’s important to you. While some kisses are short and sweet, psychologist John Gottman suggests a six-second kiss. And this could be at any time, whether you’re coming or going.
Holding a kiss for six seconds makes you more mindful of your connection and “has several benefits including reducing stress levels, building a ritual of connection, and boosting mutual admiration,” says Mark Travers, PhD citing Gottman’s recommendation. Give it a try. It’s a relatively quick way to form a deeper connection with your husband.
4. Bedtime Kiss
There’s sweetness in a bedtime kiss. But there can be something else as well (as I’m sure you know). “Romantic kisses lead to physical desire and [can] revitalize your sex life, keeping you emotionally, mentally, and physically nourished,” says Eagle Family Ministries.
Travers cites “a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science [that] found that couples who had sex at least once a week were more satisfied in their relationship than couples who had less sex.” But even if you’re feeling tired, making that effort to connect with a bedtime kiss before rolling over to fall asleep is good for your relationship. Think of it as another drop in the bucket of marital happiness.
5. Just Because Kiss
Everyone’s different, so there isn’t a precise amount of kissing in marriage that needs to take place to improve happiness or connection. Just figure out your baseline and improve upon that. Several studies agree that “as romantic and everyday kissing increases, it enhances both individuals’ self-esteem, as well as couples’ sexual and relationship satisfaction,” says Castleman.
Make the effort to kiss more with a little extra feeling and in time, you should start to feel a deeper connection in your marriage.
How has kissing in marriage played a role (or not) in your relationship?
