“Mother’s Day’s coming up,” my husband said, delivering way too much direct eye contact. “So…what do you wanna do?” I think he felt nervous. He wanted to get it right. But I hadn’t made any big requests. Planning my own party, so to speak, felt weird. I didn’t really want to do it. But the uncomfortable look in his eyes made me think, For the sake of our marriage, maybe I should?
As moms who work hard every single day of the year, we look forward to this day, hoping for some well-deserved pampering and appreciation, not to mention a break from having our hand in everything. But the day’s success almost always depends on our husbands. Yes, Mother’s Day is a celebration of our role as moms, but here are 5 ways it can also be a win for your marriage.
1. Be clear about your needs.
“Letting me sleep in is really important,” I said. “And if you could organize an outdoor family activity, that’d make me happy too.” My husband looked relieved to have some direction. If you want your husband to prepare breakfast or take the kids to the park for an hour, ask for it. And if you’d like to be surprised with a gift, clue him in to what you want so he doesn’t have to guess—and potentially mess up.
Takeaway: Don’t feel bad! Be crystal clear about what you want for Mother’s Day. You’ll ease your husband’s stress and eliminate some of the worry about getting things wrong.
2. Let go of perfection.
Maybe you asked for breakfast in bed and when your husband guided your child into your bedroom with a tray, the eggs slipped onto the floor. Or maybe you hoped for a piece of jewelry and your husband gave you a state-of-the art blender. (Cue the sad trombone.) While the day may not go exactly as you’d hoped, your husband is probably trying to make things special for you. If you can laugh about the spilled eggs and listen as your husband recounts the number of blender reviews he read, you can make it a win for Mother’s Day and your marriage.
Takeaway: Expecting the day to go perfectly puts a lot of pressure on everyone. Instead of focusing on the end result, tune into the effort your husband and kids are making. And if he forgets the sugar in your coffee? Let him know he’s still sweet for bringing you a cup.
3. Accept time for yourself.
My husband asked if I wanted any time to myself on Mother’s Day, and I almost leapt out of my socks with a “Yes!” Reading in the backyard hammock sounded divine. When my phone buzzed a few minutes into my book, I groaned, startling a squirrel. But his text only said, “Should I take them to the park now?” I smiled to myself. Great idea!
Takeaway: Whether you spend time alone, with friends, or out and about, if you return refreshed, it was time well spent. If your husband’s encouraging you, even better. Don’t feel guilty taking time for yourself on Mother’s Day. When you take care of yourself, you’re taking care of your marriage and your kids too.
4. Use gratitude to your advantage.
A male friend told me he hates Mother’s Day because his wife always ends up disappointed, no matter what he does. So, if your husband tries, thank him (even if he got your shirt size wrong). It means more than you think. It’ll not only make Mother’s Day a more enjoyable day going forward, but when you express gratitude, you’ll strengthen your relationship too.
Takeaway: Even if it’s not the perfect day you imagined, when you appreciate your husband, he’s more encouraged to continue what he’s doing today—and every day. A little goes a long way.
5. Reflect on your journey together.
Your journey together as parents started as soon as you found out you were pregnant, adopted a child, or you became a stepmom through marriage. After the kids are tucked in (or if they’re teens, once they’re doing their own thing), find a spot in the house to kick back with your husband. Open the kids’ photo albums or scroll through pictures on your phone to reminisce. You’ve done a lot of hard work parenting those little people and you’ve probably done much of it as a team.
Takeaway: Parenting isn’t easy, but marriage isn’t for the faint of heart either. Connecting with your husband to talk about how much you’ve grown and how far you’ve come as parents and as a couple is a great way to finish off the day.
Have you ever looked at Mother’s Day as a day to celebrate your marriage as well?
