As a teacher, I do my best to be aware of any challenges my students might be facing. But sometimes the signs aren’t obvious—until they are. During class one day, a student who seemed like his upbeat, carefree self unexpectedly burst into tears. I quickly distracted the other students, then turned my attention to comforting him. Between sobs, he told me, “My…my…grandma died last night.” He was devastated. At times like these, student well-being takes precedence over academics.
When I talked to his mom, she cried too. It had been her mother they had lost. “I meant to email you,” she said, “but I was so overwhelmed and didn’t want to bother you.” I assured her she was no bother at all. Actually, situations like this one are precisely when parent-teacher communication matters most. Here are 5 times to bring a child’s teacher into the loop.
1. When Your Child is Anxious about School
One school year, a middle-school student started coming up to my desk almost every day right before her fifth-period class. “My stomach is really hurting,” she’d say with a pained look. “Can I go to the nurse?” After five days straight of this complaint, I called her mother. Sure enough, the mom told me that over the past two weeks, her daughter had seemed anxious every morning before school. “I tried to get her to tell me what was wrong,” the mom said, “but she wouldn’t.”
With that extra bit of knowledge, I talked to the fifth-period teacher and learned that the class had started a group project two weeks earlier. The teacher admitted he had overheard a boy in the group teasing the girl, but “she seemed OK with it.” After that, he moved the girl out of the group and her school anxiety vanished.
If you notice a pattern of anxiety in your child regarding school, email right away so the teacher can help identify and address the cause.
What to Say: Sarah usually looks forward to going to school, but for the past two weeks she’s been on the verge of tears in the morning before she leaves to catch the bus. Have you noticed anything like this too? Would you please tell me if you have any ideas about what might be causing it?
2. When Your Child Can’t Do His Homework
I was so glad when a mom emailed me about her son having this very issue. The next day, I sat down with him and asked to see his binder. Poor kid! It was crammed with papers spilling out in every direction. The papers that weren’t stuffed randomly into the binder lay crumpled at the bottom of his backpack. I really wasn’t that surprised. Middle school is when kids need to learn organizational skills as they’re managing six-seven different classes, teachers, and classrooms. Lots of kids need extra help. Once we organized his binder, his homework problem improved.
Teachers give homework to reinforce classroom instruction. If your child isn’t able to do his homework, the teacher needs to know.
What to Say: For a while now, Josh has been saying he doesn’t understand his homework and is lost. On many nights, he hasn’t been able to answer any questions at all. Does he seem to be keeping up with his work in class and paying attention? I suggested that he speak with you about his homework.
3. When Your Child Has a Problem with a Classmate
A father emailed me because his son and another boy in my class were not getting along. “The other boy,” the dad said, “keeps asking my son to share his homework answers. My son is afraid to say no because he said the other kid is ‘popular.’” I applied a quick fix by separating the boys in class. I also addressed the learning needs of the other child.
If teachers are aware of a problem like this one, they can pay extra attention to interactions between particular students.
What to Say: Trevor says that the boy he sits next to in your class keeps poking him with his pencil every time you turn to face the board. Would you mind changing Trevor’s seat? And, if I haven’t gotten the full story about Trevor’s role in this situation, please let me know.
4. When Your Child Has a Health Issue
One mother contacted me because her daughter had a bladder condition. “Would you please allow her to go to the restroom as often as needed?” she wrote. She was wise to ask. Many times, students will use a bathroom break as an excuse to leave the classroom. Knowing this student’s circumstance kept me from questioning her frequent bathroom trips, which would have embarrassed her.
Parent-teacher communication is essential if your child has a health issue. In public schools, teachers are informed about conditions covered by 504 plans or IEPs, but they depend on you to share other health issues that affect your child.
What to Say: Lilly is starting a new medication today for a recently-diagnosed thyroid issue. The doctor said she might feel more tired than usual at first. Thank you for being patient if she seems a little sleepy and out of it. Could you also please let me know if her tiredness seems extreme? I would appreciate it.
5. When There’s a Change at Home
“Our family cat ran away last night,” a parent began in an email. “Her name is Cookie, and Ava is the one who chose her at the animal shelter when she was six. She’s really worried about Cookie.” As soon as I read that email, I mentally gave the mom who wrote it an A+ in parent-teacher communication.
Convey anything that alters the stability or routine of your child’s life as soon as you can. Early intervention allows the teacher to make allowances for your child and be on the lookout for signs of distress. These types of changes include the loss of a family member or pet, a change in the parents’ relationship status, job changes, or a move to a new home.
What to Say: Last night’s flash flood caused water to fill our entire first floor. We are thankful we all made it through the storm safely, but we’ll be staying at my in-laws’ house for the next few weeks. I wanted to let you know in case Noah seems out of sorts.
Teachers care about student well-being. Keeping them in the loop helps teachers spot the first signs of a challenge, keep you informed, and provide not only good instruction but also good care.
Are there other times you’ve reached out to your child’s teacher to bring her into the loop?
