My phone buzzed as I sat on my daughter’s bed. A quick glance told me my husband wanted to start a TV show and to please hurry up. I sighed, wanting to be on the couch with him, but also enjoying snuggle time with my kid. I couldn’t be in both places at once and felt, in that moment, like a great mom but a mediocre wife. Being great at both parenting and marriage seemed like an out-of-reach goal.
But it doesn’t have to be one or the other. You can be a great parent and spouse. Here are 5 things you can do to make parenting and marriage both work for your family.
1. Set aside “Mom and Dad Time” each day.
Parenting and marriage don’t have to be an either/or situation. You can make both work by being a little more intentional. If your default is to pour all your affection and free time into your kids, remind yourself that your husband craves your affection and time as well. Pouring time into that relationship will sustain your marriage through all the ups and downs of parenting. And you want that support as you weather the joys and hardships of all your kids’ stages.
Try this: Encourage your child to play on her own while you and your husband catch up. Not only does this feed your grown-up relationship, but independent play has several benefits for your child. It “can foster imagination and creative play, build persistence and problem-solving skills, and teach patience and resilience” according to Pennsylvania’s Promise for Children. That’s sounds like a win-win.
2. Set boundaries with kids.
Boundaries are the established rules and limits you have for your children. And setting boundaries around your marriage is good for your kids to see. When they have boundaries, kids learn their parents’ relationship is also important and that your kids aren’t the only important people in your life.
Try this: Boundaries to consider: Your child isn’t allowed to sleep in your bed. Or, when Mom and Dad are talking, children aren’t allowed to interrupt. Also, if your teen tells you something in confidence, the relationship boundary is that you’ll share it with your husband. These examples help teach kids respect and model what a good marriage looks like.
3. Use the “divide and conquer” mentality to minimize stress.
I like to be involved in just about everything my kids do. I want to be there at bath time, and I also like to do the tuck-in and prayers. But if I’m also making dinner, it can get a bit overwhelming. If you want to be involved in everything your kids do, you might be neglecting time for yourself or with your husband. You can still be a great parent without feeling like you have to do everything.
Try this: Alternate days that you and your husband do certain parenting jobs. It’s not just good for you, but it’s good for your kids to have individual time with each parent. And when you’re not worn out, you’ll have more time to relax and enjoy your marriage.
4. Set a tech curfew to reconnect.
With new apps, new AI-capabilities, and endless entertainment online, it’s SO hard to put the phone down, especially when we finally have time to ourselves. I get it! Take a little time and enjoy some scrolling. But then, give yourself (and your hubby) a curfew.
Try this: Tuck your phones into a drawer at a certain hour so your attention isn’t split. Years from now, you’re going to appreciate the man at your side more than your (now outdated) phone. So, talk with your husband, get on the same page, and enjoy real face-to-face time with the man you married.
5. Agree on a parenting saying to live by, such as “It’s good enough.”
When you and your husband do things together as a team, it strengthens your marriage and also helps you parent your kids better. Having a “team saying” can help when you’re going through a dinnertime, homework, or respect battle. Use your motto when your husband starts to lose his temper (or vice versa), or when you both feel like what you’re doing isn’t working.
Try this: It’s good enough. We’re doing the best we can. Some other great sayings include Not everyone’s gonna be happy, and that’s OK; Mistakes help us grow; and God has a plan. And if your kids hear you? All the better. When we lead by example in a measured, calm way, our kids notice. Imagine your perfectionist child, finally telling herself “It’s good enough” or “Mistakes help us grow.” It’d be pretty wonderful, right?
How do you find balance with parenting and marriage?
