In the years after my divorce, my nightly routine with my two kids was bath, story with one on my lap, story with the other on my lap, story with both on my lap, then kisses, and burrito-style tuck-ins. I’d then head straight to my bedroom to tuck myself in, completely exhausted. Single motherhood is incredibly demanding. You know that. You live it every day. What you might not know, because it’s not talked about as openly, is the reality of single-mom depression.
Research shows that single mothers of young children are twice as likely to report symptoms of depression or anxiety than married mothers. The signs of depression can sneak up on you, as they often are disguised as the everyday challenges of single parenting. When depression creeps in, it whispers doubt and steals your joy, but it doesn’t have to control you. Here are 3 signs unique to single-mom depression and ways to reclaim your well-being.
1. Ruminating Over Life Choices
You make all the decisions, often with no one to consult. The constant decision-making and responsibility that comes with single parenthood can easily morph into rumination—the act of dwelling on past choices and questioning their outcome. Research by the American Psychological Association (APA) indicates that this negative thought pattern is a hallmark symptom of depression. For single moms, it often manifests as replaying decisions about relationships, finances, or career paths, leading to feelings of guilt and inadequacy. This cycle of self-doubt can chip away at a mom’s confidence and leave her feeling emotionally drained.
Challenge negative thinking patterns. Recognize the negative self-talk that depression feeds on. Write down these thoughts and then counter them with evidence of your strength and successes as a mom.
2. Exhaustion That Prevents You From Seeking Help
Single moms are notorious for running on fumes. But when exhaustion becomes so profound it prevents you from seeking help, it might be a sign of something more. Research conducted at the University of Toronto found a strong link between depression and fatigue. For single moms, this exhaustion can be all-encompassing, leaving them feeling too depleted to even consider adding “find a therapist” to their overflowing to-do list. This can create a dangerous cycle, where depression fuels fatigue and fatigue prevents seeking treatment for the underlying issue.
Break down the barrier to seeking help. Start small. Talk to a trusted friend, look for a support group. Even if you’ve been single for years, programs like DivorceCare are still valuable resources.
3. Feeling Like Your Children Might Be Better Off With the Other Parent
If you’ve ever had depressive thoughts, you know they can distort your thinking. For a single mom, this can manifest as feeling like the other parent, even with his flaws, would be a better fit for your children. These intrusive thoughts, fueled by depression’s negativity bias, can be incredibly damaging to a mom’s self-esteem and her relationship with her children.
Reframe the “better off” thought. Instead of dwelling on negative comparisons, focus on the unique bond you share with your children. Remind yourself of the ways you enrich their lives and the love that only you can provide.
Remember, this part of your parenting journey doesn’t have to define you. By acknowledging the signs of single-mom depression, adopting coping strategies, and seeking help, you can reclaim your mental well-being and love your children well. If you need additional resources, visit the National Alliance on Mental Illness here or call the National Helpline: 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
When your thoughts start to spiral, what do you say to remind yourself that your kids are lucky to have you as a mom?
