“So, are you two together?” I asked my friend Cait. She fumbled. “Well… It’s complicated.” Her divorce was two years behind her, and she’d been seeing a guy for a couple months. But that day, she admitted, “I don’t know where we stand, and I’m afraid to bring it up.” I’m pretty sure Cait is in a situationship, that murky, not-quite-a-relationship space.
For single moms, dating is already a juggling act of logistics, emotions, and the kind of vulnerability that doesn’t come easy when kids are depending on you. Add in a guy who’s “not ready to label things,” and it’s hard to know whether it’s real or just convenient. If you’re wondering whether you’re in a situationship—or how to get out of one—here are 5 signs to look for and a few steps to help you move forward.
What Is a Situationship?
A situationship is a romantic or physical relationship that lacks clear definitions or commitment. It’s more involved than a fling but less involved than a partnership. You might text often, spend time together, and share moments of emotional closeness—but there’s no real clarity about where things are headed.
For single moms, this ambiguity can be really draining. Inviting someone into your life, and maybe even your child’s life, requires trust and intentionality. Without clarity, a situationship can feel like a reality dating show you didn’t sign up for.
Signs You’re in a Situationship
Before we point fingers, we also need to check ourselves. Sometimes, it’s not just him. Are you keeping things undefined to protect your heart? If you’re not ready for a relationship with actual structure, it might not be time to date. That said, here are some classic red flags, on his part or yours, that you might be in a situationship:
- Lack of Labels: Has one of you ever said, “Why label this and make it complicated?” A study in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that people often stay in undefined relationships out of fear of rejection, being alone, or ruining a good thing. But vagueness can leave you doing the emotional labor of a committed relationship—without the security of one. And as a mom, you already carry enough emotional labor.
- Inconsistent Communication: One day he’s texting nonstop and opening up. The next, you can’t get ahold of him. The emotional whiplash isn’t in your head—he’s giving just enough to keep the connection alive, but not enough to help it grow.
- No Future Plans: You’re not talking about long-term goals. You rarely make plans more than a few days out. And if your girlfriends ever ask, “Want to hang out this weekend?” and you reply, “Maybe—depends on if he wants to do something,” that’s a big clue.
- Separate Lives: You haven’t met his friends. He hasn’t met yours. And meeting family, or your kids, isn’t even on the radar. You don’t need to introduce him to your children right away, but if you’re still siloed after months of seeing each other, you’re not progressing; you’re parked.
- Anxiety and Confusion: You’re constantly wondering where you stand, what he’s thinking, and whether he actually has feelings for you. A situationship is a breeding ground for anxious thoughts. According to VeryWellMind, “the mental health impact can be greater for the person wanting more as they may begin to connect their sense of self-worth with gaining the approval of the other person.” Bottom line: You’re not going to be your best self if your relationship status is ambiguous.
How to End a Situationship
The emotional labor of a situationship is exhausting because it lacks the stability of a real relationship. But you don’t need more mental load. You need connection, consistency, and clarity. If you’re ready to move forward, here’s how.
- Reflect on your needs and worth. Ask yourself what you really want from a relationship. Attention and affection are not the same thing. You (and he) deserve both, along with respect and honesty.
- Communicate clearly. If you want something defined, tell him you’re not looking to be in a situationship. He might surprise you. Or he might not. Either way, you’ll have your answer.
- Break things off if he’s not looking to make changes. If he doesn’t want anything official but you do, tell him you won’t keep talking. It’s easy to slide back into familiar patterns, but you don’t owe him your energy. You’ve got more important things to give it to.
- Keep reminding yourself of your “why.” You are not disposable or interchangeable. You are worth committing to. And your kids deserve to see their mom in a relationship where she’s respected and loved.
It’s hard to make clear decisions about relationships when emotions are involved—especially when you’re tired, hopeful, or just craving connection. But if you’re a single mom, you already do hard things every day. You know how to lead with love and walk with strength. This is no different. You’ve got this.
What would you tell your future self the next time a relationship starts to feel unclear or one-sided?
