Junior year of high school brought a whole new level of stress to our oldest daughter. Between AP classes, extracurricular responsibilities, and studying for the ACT, her mood seemed to be teetering on the edge many days. But, honestly, we started to see the tension tick up at the start of middle school when classroom rigor and girl drama did as well. That’s when we began using stress-reducing affirmations with her to coach her on what she could (and couldn’t!) control.
While stress relief techniques for kids involve the usual suspects—eating well, getting enough sleep, exercising, and limiting screen time—kids also need in-the-moment strategies to turn to during intense moments of anxiousness and worry. Equip your middle or high school student with these 5 statements created with stress management for teens in mind.
1. “I am in control of my actions.”
When your teen feels overwhelmed by external pressures and situations, such as midterm exams or friendship conflict, guiding her to focus on what she can influence reduces feelings of helplessness and frustration and even dissuades a victimhood mentality. Plus, accepting control promotes taking responsibility, which can feel empowering and increase self-confidence.
When facing a tough-for-her situation, encourage your teen to use this affirmation and discuss how her actions shape outcomes. For example: Your teen is stressed about her upcoming algebra midterm. She can’t control what’s on the test. But, she can choose to go to the teacher’s study sessions before school, do extra problems, and get a good night’s sleep before the test.
2. “I am in control of my thoughts.”
I’m an idiot. I’m ugly. I can’t do anything right. I’m so awkward. Nobody likes me.
As moms, we often worry about the mean kids our teens encounter in school or online. But, the bully who might live inside your teen’s head isn’t one to be ignored either. Negative self-talk can increase feelings of depression and helplessness. But, research published in Frontiers in Psychology showed that when adolescents become aware of their own self-criticism and choose to “speak” more kindly to themselves, they find they can better manage stress.
Help your teen learn to shape how he talks about himself and rewire any negative thinking patterns for a kinder inner voice. When you notice the signs of stress or hear him say something negative about himself aloud, encourage your teen to reframe or replace negative thinking patterns with positive affirmations like these.
3. “I am in control of my words.”
Our words can build someone up or tear someone down. This simple statement emphasizes verbal responsibility and helps your teen recognize the impact of her words. By acknowledging control over her words, your teen can learn to express herself more thoughtfully and avoid escalating tense situations.
To reduce interpersonal conflict, encourage your teen to remember this affirmation before speaking in stressful moments, such as in the middle of a fight with you, in response to a hurtful post on social media, or even in the heat of a high-stakes game. Talk about how the words she chooses can influence outcomes and heal (or damage) relationships.
4. “I am in control of asking for help.”
Stress management for teens includes showing them that everything is “figurableoutable,” but they might need help getting unstuck. Contrary to what your teen may believe, asking for help is a strength, not a weakness. Plus, recognizing that he makes the call empowers him to take charge of problem-solving instead of feeling helpless and overwhelmed. (But, he still might need some encouragement from you!)
Talk with your teen about how choosing to seek help reduces stress and creates his own hand-picked support network. Knowing when and how to seek help when needed will be a coping mechanism he’ll use for life.
5. “I am in control of my efforts.”
Sometimes your teen’s grades or SAT score won’t reflect his efforts. And sometimes, those early-morning workouts and late-night practices won’t equate to winning the game or even getting off the bench. And sometimes apologizing and trying to mend a broken friendship doesn’t always lead to reconciliation. It’s heartbreaking and tough, but it’s true.
Although your teen might want to focus on the outcome, her control over it remains limited. However, affirming control over efforts reinforces perseverance, hard work, and commitment. Encourage your teen to use this affirmation when tackling difficult tasks or facing setbacks, and discuss how consistent effort often leads to improved outcomes and reduced stress over time.
What stress management for teens tips do you find most helpful with your child?
