How many outfits do you wear in a day? Whatever number you say, I bet my 9-year-old son has you beat. He’ll swap out his shirt three times between getting home from school and going to bed. One afternoon, when he emerged from his room having once again changed, I said, “Guess what! You’ve earned the right to do a load of laundry all by yourself!”
Hours later, while my son was folding the clothes, my husband said, “I think this should be a permanent thing.” That was three weeks ago, and all I can say is I wish I’d started a year earlier. I heard the words of Esther Wojcicki, the woman who famously raised three wildly successful daughters—one became a doctor, another the CEO of YouTube, and the third the CEO of 23andMe—echoing in my mind: “Don’t do anything for your kids that they can do for themselves.”
Why We Should Stop Coddling Our Kids
Coddling feels like a harsh word, right? It conjures up an image of a mom tying her teenager’s shoelaces. But even if we’re not full-blown coddlers, any time we forge the perfect obstacle-free path for our kids, it robs them of the chance to build the self-confidence they’ll need to become independent, successful adults.
Things Children Can Do Themselves
We’ve put together a list of things children can do themselves, organized by age. When you look at the list, keep in mind that age isn’t the best indicator of readiness to do these things. You know your kids best and will need to tweak this list, especially if you have a child with special needs.
But resist the urge to dismiss the list because you think there’s no way your kids are ready for a particular chore. Instead, consider how you could modify the tasks. Try doing them together a few times. You could then let your child do just a portion of the task.
Most importantly, be ready to accept less-than-perfect results. I have to look away when my kids fold their laundry. I tried to teach them to do it the way I like, but they don’t have the dexterity or the desire, so I’m picking my battles. Without further ado, here are a few age-appropriate chores your child can do right now.
Toddlers and little kids ages 3-5 can…
- Wash and put away non-breakable dishes.
- Put away their laundry.
- Help clean up their messes.
- Get dressed with some help.
- Vacuum.
- Brush their teeth (you’ll have to come behind and do an extra scrub, or you’ll definitely get a dirty look from the dentist).
Elementary kids ages 6-11 can do all that and…
- Tie their own shoes and their younger siblings’ shoes.
- Pack their lunches (our Healthy Meal Planning printable can help).
- Make their bed.
- Unload the dishwasher.
- Approach their teachers with questions about grades or classmate conflicts.
- Make simple meals like a turkey sandwich or Eggo waffles in the toaster.
- Learn to do their own laundry.
- Get their school supplies ready for the next day.
- Pay at the checkout.
This last one was fun for us recently. I stood outside a dollar store and watched through the window as my sons went in with their wallets. My older son was nervous about the checkout process, but came out of the store smiling, more confident and self-reliant than he was just a few moments before.
Big kids ages 12+ can do all that and…
- Check their homework.
- Do their own laundry.
- Grocery shop (I personally recommend sending them in with a list while you wait in the car and read a good book).
- Budget money for something they want to buy.
- Put gas in the car (if they’re old enough by law).
- Find job opportunities and fill out applications.
- Get themselves out of bed in the morning.
- Settle conflicts with friends.
- Manage their homework load and test schedules.
What’s missing from this list? What do you have your kids do for themselves?
